An intimate peek into the life of a young single mom's artistically spiritual life style. Searching for Mr Right while trying to build a career can be a tricky web to weave. Throw in three dogs and raising a teenage son solo and that silky weaved design is sure to keep tearing, or is it? According to The Laws Of Attraction thoughts created the tears. If changing your thoughts can bring a heart-full of desire from anything to everything then it's a challenge well worth purposeful thinking for.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
My 90 Day Law Of Attraction Challenge: I have neglected my blog perhaps, though keeping t...
My 90 Day Law Of Attraction Challenge: I have neglected my blog perhaps, though keeping t...: "I have neglected my blog perhaps, though keeping track of time has always seemed relative to me. I do get it as Einstein did. I am grateful ..."
I have neglected my blog perhaps, though keeping track of time has always seemed relative to me. I do get it as Einstein did. I am grateful that he did all of the math work to come up with such a seemingly simple statement once you "get it" on that level.
I have been a busy bee, taking steps in opportunities path. So many good things are on the table. All of my clever thinking of the past has begun to peek through the shaded blinds in an awesomely unfolding pattern that I can now follow that which I have created in my past. My first solid just came present. For reals!
A Steve Carrell movie I was hired on as a background actor for, after connecting (on a funny, but also real NYC style way) with an awesome someone who had the power to do so, I was upgraded to a speaking line. Many times you are cut out, it's nothing personal, just is what it is, so I just checked the movie credits and I was not cut out!
Crazy Stupid Love comes out July 29th. You know I'm going to see my big old face on the big old screen that day, lol. I have a line in it with Ryan Gosling. Yeah Baby! And yes he is as hot as he looks in person and he is super sweet. This movie, from what I saw in the few weeks that I worked on it, was so freaking funny. It was challenging to hold in the laughs until the director called cut. Definite potential to be the best comedy of the year. Julian Morre, Emma Stone, Marisa Tomei and Kevin Bacon are in it too. Star Power Baby! And this sweet cupcake of news I am indulging in has green residual icing to boot. I could really use some icing.
In other news, I started listening to cd's while I drive from Napoleon Hills, "Think And Grow Rich." I shortly there after found my man balls. I have become obsessed with making Hollywuffs into the household name, and so it shall be. I have always knows the "creative" how to, what's the edge that will make it "stand out," I just didn't know how to go about making it happen for reals, but I'm getting close. I am enjoying working 13-14 hour days on this. I think it, eat it, sleep this devotion. It's the best high I have ever had.
Although unlike my relaxing bath of relativity, I have been and will be grueling through nights of educational numbers and margins, research up the wazoo! Seriously, what did people do before the internet?
These arnt for reals yet, but they sure do feel like it. I swear if I didn't know any better I would think I was already a millionaire. Hollywuffs is self published and is on amazon, no real sales to brag about but no one knows it exists either. Their is interest from a publishing house for licensing. I have a potentially HUGE opportunity not so far up this path. I wont say more for now but... Holly Meeotch, brand me, brand me!
I still struggle to make the bills but...who cares! I know where my future is headed! And yes, I am still playing the lotto! xoxo
Friday, March 11, 2011
90 Day Challenge. The world is changing quickly, so must we!
Is it just me or are ancient predications from the Bible, the Torah, Nostradamus, the Mayans, the Hopi and many other ancient texts now coming into fruition? They say all ocean life will cease. We had the recent oil spill killing much sea life and just recently an unusual occurrence of millions of washed up fish on Redondo Beaches, which is close to my home, not to mention many similar stories spreading across the globe.
Earth quake after earth quake seems to be shaking our planets core which is also written for the past and future. Within the past month New Zealand was hit and now Japan. They seem to be coming faster and faster. Tidal waves seem to be encompassing our planet. Can anyone say The Next Great Flood? I suppose I am blessed in the way of my knowing and feeling confident of my security from natural disasters and I guess if the Law Of Attraction should be secure in one area of thought, mine is. I have always felt our understanding of time is open to subject and I have always felt I shall live to an age of perhaps 200 years, though I won't mind if it is less. Infinity is as simple as no time, which Humanity made up.
Everything from ancient texts are now coming into our reality. Mother Gia, Mother earth, is preparing for a new vibration to radiate upon her soil. Our negative thoughts have weighed heavy upon her and she is preparing to shake it all off. Or is it something else? Is something shady going on or is it that we are approaching 2012? The Mayan's obsession date as well as the timing that our earth will line up with our galactic center, aka the "black hole." This happens once every 5 or 6 thousand years or so.
Do we have control of our lives as The Law Of Attraction says? I know 100% that I will not be killed in a natural disaster, but how natural is it? I have read and heard from many sources that before every natural disaster many UFO sighting are reported. Check it out for yourself. Ever natural disaster has reports of UFO sighting just before. With advanced technology it would not be hard to start an earthquake, volcano eruption or any other natural disaster which would kill thousands. I'm not judging, I'm not blaming, all I'm doing is bringing up facts. Google Japan 2011 and you will see March 1st many saw and video taped UFO sightings. It seems to me to be the biggest world cover up ever!
I have felt the need for some time now to buy a huge piece of land on a higher elevation. A land that many can live on, a solar powered place that many of similar divine beliefs can live in peace. Even kindergarden evelutionaries know things such as, Don't take another life or steal. I cant even eat animals as what right do I have to take another life if I don't need too. P.S. - I do cook carefully selected meats for my son and I never ever judge, for that is not my place. All I am saying is we all need to be thinking happy thoughts and DO NOT let any of this scare you, as fear is our only enemy and it will get you if you let it. If you feel safe then you are safe. Funny how that has always been my strength thought, I have never feared my life for I know I am not getting out of it that easily. I have much to do here still. :)
Earth quake after earth quake seems to be shaking our planets core which is also written for the past and future. Within the past month New Zealand was hit and now Japan. They seem to be coming faster and faster. Tidal waves seem to be encompassing our planet. Can anyone say The Next Great Flood? I suppose I am blessed in the way of my knowing and feeling confident of my security from natural disasters and I guess if the Law Of Attraction should be secure in one area of thought, mine is. I have always felt our understanding of time is open to subject and I have always felt I shall live to an age of perhaps 200 years, though I won't mind if it is less. Infinity is as simple as no time, which Humanity made up.
Everything from ancient texts are now coming into our reality. Mother Gia, Mother earth, is preparing for a new vibration to radiate upon her soil. Our negative thoughts have weighed heavy upon her and she is preparing to shake it all off. Or is it something else? Is something shady going on or is it that we are approaching 2012? The Mayan's obsession date as well as the timing that our earth will line up with our galactic center, aka the "black hole." This happens once every 5 or 6 thousand years or so.
Do we have control of our lives as The Law Of Attraction says? I know 100% that I will not be killed in a natural disaster, but how natural is it? I have read and heard from many sources that before every natural disaster many UFO sighting are reported. Check it out for yourself. Ever natural disaster has reports of UFO sighting just before. With advanced technology it would not be hard to start an earthquake, volcano eruption or any other natural disaster which would kill thousands. I'm not judging, I'm not blaming, all I'm doing is bringing up facts. Google Japan 2011 and you will see March 1st many saw and video taped UFO sightings. It seems to me to be the biggest world cover up ever!
I have felt the need for some time now to buy a huge piece of land on a higher elevation. A land that many can live on, a solar powered place that many of similar divine beliefs can live in peace. Even kindergarden evelutionaries know things such as, Don't take another life or steal. I cant even eat animals as what right do I have to take another life if I don't need too. P.S. - I do cook carefully selected meats for my son and I never ever judge, for that is not my place. All I am saying is we all need to be thinking happy thoughts and DO NOT let any of this scare you, as fear is our only enemy and it will get you if you let it. If you feel safe then you are safe. Funny how that has always been my strength thought, I have never feared my life for I know I am not getting out of it that easily. I have much to do here still. :)
Friday, March 4, 2011
my 90 Day Challenge - The Relationship Yellow Flag
It's my birthday! After a weird yellow flag fifth date I decided to write this to my universal soulmate;
I want to thank you, my soul mate, my angle, for your endless support and love. Neither of us knew what time really meant before we signed up for this mission on earth. We only understood that we had infinity together never knowing that there could be a period of “time” in-between our infinity. We understood that time would be an extended thought here on Earth. In the words of the great Albert Einstein, time is relative. Who knew millions of years later that we would be stuck in different dimensions defined by this thing called time. I define it as I’m still here and you’re still there. We have become different vibrations working for the same lonely cause.
I wonder if you suffer as I do. I hope not. I think suffering is a Human condition. I know my suffering is an illusion of made up stuff, though every time I get knocked down it sure does feel real because only time can make you feel worn out and home sick. I often wonder if I hate or love being Human. I will pick love every time because I am here as such which makes love the better choice. Though I have always felt so very home sick. The only thing I’m sure of is that I so miss you!
You are always here for me in a way no human ever has been. Although I can’t touch you, I know you have not for one second ever left my side. Remembering you kinda’ sucks. I get discouraged because I cannot see you, touch you or kiss you. I yearn to hold you close. To be held by you seem like a confusing dream I can’t grasp though I know it’s real. That feeling of complete protection, truth and knowing I have not felt by any human. I trust you and yearn to find that divine trust in a mate. As humans we are meant to breed and pair up, though I am always without. You assure me that all will be okay and you rock my bleeding heart with temporary replacements.
I have many a soul mate friend here on earth. My girlfriends are divine and are a balancing part of my core. But, do you want me to also find a good male mate here? There must be plenty of perfectly good qualified applicants, though I don’t know why I have not yet found one. I want a human, family-oriented, wanting more kids, fun loving, dog loving, generous, caring, laid-back man. I know I would make the best partner. I know any man would be lucky to have me. I am pure, honest, pretty, and dedicated. I also know what it takes to keep the spice alive! I am Goddess makings. I'm not shy to say.
Today is my birthday. I had a fifth date tonight. He asked me a week ago to go to dinner for my birthday, I accepted. He seemed cool. He never pushed me for sex and we have only kissed thus far. He confirmed this morning but only confirmed back to my three earlier texts to sort out a plan at 7:20 pm. He said he text me back a few times but I never received them. I was starting to think he was going to bail on my birthday last minute. I had not accepted many other birthday invites because I keep my word and plans always. If text messages don’t go through it is new news to me. If three supposed text messages don’t go through then yellow flags arise. But, no big deal, I did not dwell. We had a nice dinner then headed back to my place afterwards. (My son is away on a three-day school trip, as a solo single mom these times are valuable) He then after 30 minutes at my place had a family emergency. I do understand those happen and am most understanding but he said he would call me and let me know what happened any would maybe come back over. That was four hours ago. It was not a HUGE emergency, and to be honest thinking back it all seems yellow flagish. None of it made sense but I don’t ever want to judge. I called him and text, but no reply. Weird and odd and I must lay it to rest. I don't want to see him again. He did not treat me with the respect and kindness I would have in any situation. Am I wrong in this? Please let me know your thoughts because I saw him as potential, but after this night of pure reddish-yellow flagging would I not be smart to just move on? PS The emergency was one that was under control and was spotty to begin with. No reason why I did not get at least a phone call or text to let me know if he was coming back or not! To at least follow up with a "hey it's all okay!" It's weird and my inner alarms of common courtesy are wailing.
I’m going to pull a random tarot card…. Oh it says; "Release and Surrender; Open your arms and release the challenges that you’ve held tightly gripped within your hands. Open your hands, arms, and heart to our love and assistance.”
PS- I agree but I feel like I have and I do. So now what?
Thursday, February 24, 2011
My 90 Day Challenge - The 11th Commandment Of Ignorance
Have you ever noticed that when you realize something on a higher level of understanding you can't go back into ignorance? Wouldn't it feel like a sinful betrayal of self? Ignorance seems to be an essential, forward moving part of our evolution. I am on the verge of a new level of understanding my emotional fears. My ignorance is lessening. For many of us our resistance to our desired attractions is due to a fear. I gave that bad habit up a few years ago. Childhood visions of the "boogie monster" or dark skied abusive relationships have spattered grey paint onto my past, but what led to a huge detachment from fear for me was something unexpected.
A few years ago a very close friend (I believe not knowingly) brought an actual evil negative something into my old apartment. My ceilings turned foggy red! I felt it go over my leg & listened to it's piercing screeches. It was like nothing I had ever experienced. Although it only lasted for a few minutes, my fear of this formless energy returning continued to scare the sh*t out of me for days. Nights were the worst. Thats when I knew I had to give all fear up!
I have seen many a ghost before and have had many a paranormal experience. My one pug wakes me up or gets my attention barking at curious veil peering entities on a consistent basis. I swear she's part alien- part dog. The realms had never really scared me. My fears had all been earth bound ones. After meditation and much asking of the divines above for guidance my ears began to ring, as they sometimes do. I received a different understanding of fear. It was simple, stop thinking about it. I always call ringings DNA downloads because I always seem to get a ton of info within seconds of time, yet it takes me much longer to grasp my Human condition around the full understanding of what I received. I have not put much thought into fear since then. It was hard to do now but now seems easy.
Over the past week it has come to my attention that my resistance to my desires has been in another form of fear based ignorance. I do not have control of my emotions. Even American Idol makes me feel so good, and I laugh, but then so sad, so then I cry. Holly iron fisted emotional dictator! Not American Idol,I love that show, but my emotions. I never knew that I was the one suppressing myself. The heightened state of fear I had that night was so beyond what I could handle so I forced myself to not think or feel fear. But my emotions have been a huge part of my Limbo's fuel. I don't know how many of you are super attached to emotions first and then thought, but my Pisces self is a walking talking high and low sea of emotional waves. I take it all in way deep! As the Laws Of Attraction says, If our emotions are the fuel that propels our attractions, then I best be getting mine under control asap. The good news is that realizing something brings on that higher level of understanding. You can't go back, only forward. I think the 11th Commandment would say, "Though shall embrace each new enlightenment as the greatest of gifts." Because lets face it, seems like a sin to ignore and deny a gift of pure universal truth and further release of ignorant misunderstanding.
A few years ago a very close friend (I believe not knowingly) brought an actual evil negative something into my old apartment. My ceilings turned foggy red! I felt it go over my leg & listened to it's piercing screeches. It was like nothing I had ever experienced. Although it only lasted for a few minutes, my fear of this formless energy returning continued to scare the sh*t out of me for days. Nights were the worst. Thats when I knew I had to give all fear up!
I have seen many a ghost before and have had many a paranormal experience. My one pug wakes me up or gets my attention barking at curious veil peering entities on a consistent basis. I swear she's part alien- part dog. The realms had never really scared me. My fears had all been earth bound ones. After meditation and much asking of the divines above for guidance my ears began to ring, as they sometimes do. I received a different understanding of fear. It was simple, stop thinking about it. I always call ringings DNA downloads because I always seem to get a ton of info within seconds of time, yet it takes me much longer to grasp my Human condition around the full understanding of what I received. I have not put much thought into fear since then. It was hard to do now but now seems easy.
Over the past week it has come to my attention that my resistance to my desires has been in another form of fear based ignorance. I do not have control of my emotions. Even American Idol makes me feel so good, and I laugh, but then so sad, so then I cry. Holly iron fisted emotional dictator! Not American Idol,I love that show, but my emotions. I never knew that I was the one suppressing myself. The heightened state of fear I had that night was so beyond what I could handle so I forced myself to not think or feel fear. But my emotions have been a huge part of my Limbo's fuel. I don't know how many of you are super attached to emotions first and then thought, but my Pisces self is a walking talking high and low sea of emotional waves. I take it all in way deep! As the Laws Of Attraction says, If our emotions are the fuel that propels our attractions, then I best be getting mine under control asap. The good news is that realizing something brings on that higher level of understanding. You can't go back, only forward. I think the 11th Commandment would say, "Though shall embrace each new enlightenment as the greatest of gifts." Because lets face it, seems like a sin to ignore and deny a gift of pure universal truth and further release of ignorant misunderstanding.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Is Must Be 60 Days By Now, and what have I accomplished?
I don't know for sure what I have actually yet accomplished after 30 days into this crazy journey. However, you will be happy to know that Limbo has been detained. Further evaluation will be held off until I can further evaluate if Limbo is even worth evaluating further. I suspect any attention given to Limbo will not be worthwhile. I have an inkling that Limbo is in cahoots with Resistance. I dead stopped a few mid-crisis-cries that very well may have led to attracting my fears. You know how the bamboozle goes! It sneaks up on you from out of the darkness and then very rudely and without asking rapes your soul bare. It was challenging to raise my level from fear to love during those times. It was like I didn't have full access to love because I was not on its frequency. I had to take baby steps. When I felt bad or sad I tried to feel love for anything and everything instead. These good intentions should start working to my advantage any time now.
The good news is that I think I may be in my "receiving stage" now. I must be! I have been putting out all these good thoughts, and have worked so hard at it! I feel that I have some good vibrations in love, life and money coming back to me soon. It's hard for me to sit and wait, though the wiser me knows this is my time to regenerate. I should be grateful for these times and use them wisely. Just because I know this unfortunately does not mean I can do it yet. Maybe Anxious is also is cahoots with Limbo and Resistance. Frogs pretending to be Princes are smart and seem to invade my space in many forms.
I am getting money back from my taxes! It's not winning the lotto... which I will do, (the little green worm will come out of the apple, ninja style!) If you don't get that, read previous blogs. This money will give me a bit of financial breathing room. Ready- big sigh! Yeah, feels good! I'll take it! Then I plan to use that good feeling to attract more abundance.
I will use some of that money to convert my Hollywuffs book into an ebook. I have not heard back from the book agent, but I will email her tomorrow. If I don't hear back by the end of the week then I'll cyber-space my Hollywuffs into the universe. I think I will file bankrupt too. Funny thing, it costs a couple grand to file, which I have not had. HAHA! See that was the funny part! People's opinion and their Blah, Blah, Blah, don't do it advice on this matter I take into consideration. But if I listen to me and file, it makes me feel good. I want that fresh start. Those piled up credit cards threatening to sue are all bad memory remnants of years ago, when the economy fell, when I lost hundreds of thousands of dollars. The big companies didn't pay my bills or help keep me on my feet when they lost my money. The banks have stolen more from me than what I owe, but, morals and karma are not company policy. To finally set free heavy burdens from the past that still haunt me today will be a gift well received.
My love life- That tricky little section of ever weaving webs I will keep you posted on. I watched a cheesy reality program last night that actually made me feel really good. It was toddlers doing beauty pageants, but my good feelings came from observing. I have always wanted more kids, and these seemingly functioning families made my heart smile. My family is well functioned for this non-functioning world, but the white picket fence of it all fueled my ever lasting faith in finding that crazy mate meant for me, my partner in crime!
XOXO
The good news is that I think I may be in my "receiving stage" now. I must be! I have been putting out all these good thoughts, and have worked so hard at it! I feel that I have some good vibrations in love, life and money coming back to me soon. It's hard for me to sit and wait, though the wiser me knows this is my time to regenerate. I should be grateful for these times and use them wisely. Just because I know this unfortunately does not mean I can do it yet. Maybe Anxious is also is cahoots with Limbo and Resistance. Frogs pretending to be Princes are smart and seem to invade my space in many forms.
I am getting money back from my taxes! It's not winning the lotto... which I will do, (the little green worm will come out of the apple, ninja style!) If you don't get that, read previous blogs. This money will give me a bit of financial breathing room. Ready- big sigh! Yeah, feels good! I'll take it! Then I plan to use that good feeling to attract more abundance.
I will use some of that money to convert my Hollywuffs book into an ebook. I have not heard back from the book agent, but I will email her tomorrow. If I don't hear back by the end of the week then I'll cyber-space my Hollywuffs into the universe. I think I will file bankrupt too. Funny thing, it costs a couple grand to file, which I have not had. HAHA! See that was the funny part! People's opinion and their Blah, Blah, Blah, don't do it advice on this matter I take into consideration. But if I listen to me and file, it makes me feel good. I want that fresh start. Those piled up credit cards threatening to sue are all bad memory remnants of years ago, when the economy fell, when I lost hundreds of thousands of dollars. The big companies didn't pay my bills or help keep me on my feet when they lost my money. The banks have stolen more from me than what I owe, but, morals and karma are not company policy. To finally set free heavy burdens from the past that still haunt me today will be a gift well received.
My love life- That tricky little section of ever weaving webs I will keep you posted on. I watched a cheesy reality program last night that actually made me feel really good. It was toddlers doing beauty pageants, but my good feelings came from observing. I have always wanted more kids, and these seemingly functioning families made my heart smile. My family is well functioned for this non-functioning world, but the white picket fence of it all fueled my ever lasting faith in finding that crazy mate meant for me, my partner in crime!
XOXO
Sunday, February 20, 2011
My 90 day yeah let's just talk
My Saturday went as such; Limbo I swear I can get out of. I went to the racetrack with my b.f.f., from NYC, we were real close, a pair of Pisces swimming in the same direction can be indestructible, but instead we self destructed! I have not heard back from the lit. agent and I got a summons that can't be legal, as my 17 year old son signed for it, letter that Chase is now suing me for money owed. I want to just file bankrupt, but who has the 2 grand that it will cost? If I had an extra 2G then I would pay my credit cards, that are left over from the economy collapse anyway. I can only think about $$$ coming in and not about any of this.
I had a third date tonight. Last minute meeting of another girlfriend, who always falls in love on my behalf, my date did everything right, by the book, except for, when he dropped me off it was like he could not get away faster! He did not wait to make sure I got in okay. He did not wait until I got to the door, he zoomed off right away, as soon as I stepped out. I can take that many ways. but all I can really do is say, I will not think another thought about that, though a yellow flag for him or me maybe waving! I shall not think on it any further, but is worth noting, yes? This dating thing, IDK, should the guy not wait to make sure I am in safe n sound, does he not do that with his kids, is it not something that is natural? Am I thinking this way too deep?
I have 4 dogs here tonight and a teen that I must attend to. I want to just see and be what forever maybe. xoxo
I had a third date tonight. Last minute meeting of another girlfriend, who always falls in love on my behalf, my date did everything right, by the book, except for, when he dropped me off it was like he could not get away faster! He did not wait to make sure I got in okay. He did not wait until I got to the door, he zoomed off right away, as soon as I stepped out. I can take that many ways. but all I can really do is say, I will not think another thought about that, though a yellow flag for him or me maybe waving! I shall not think on it any further, but is worth noting, yes? This dating thing, IDK, should the guy not wait to make sure I am in safe n sound, does he not do that with his kids, is it not something that is natural? Am I thinking this way too deep?
I have 4 dogs here tonight and a teen that I must attend to. I want to just see and be what forever maybe. xoxo
Friday, February 18, 2011
(0
I took my love and I took it down I climbed a mountain and I turned around And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills 'Til the landslide brought me down Oh, mirror in the sky What is love? Can the child within my heart rise above? Can I sail thru the changing ocean tides? Can I handle the seasons of my life? Mmm Mmm... I don't know... Mmm Mmm... Mmm Mmm... Well, I've been afraid of changing 'Cause I've built my life around you But time makes you bolder Children get older I'm getting older too So... (Guitar solo) I've been afraid of changing 'Cause I, I´ve built my life around you But time makes you bolder Children get older I'm getting older too... I'm getting older too... So, take this love, take it down Oh if you climb a mountain and you turn around If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills Well the landslide will bring you down, down And If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills Well maybe... The landslide will bring you down Well well... the landslide will bring you down |
Monday, February 14, 2011
90 Day Law Of Attraction Challenge
It's hard not to feel frustrated sometimes, but life is sometimes that way. After emailing more book chapters, I have not yet heard back from the book manager interested in Hollywuffs. Since Friday I have been trying to focus on keeping only happy thoughts and visions. Thing is, my thoughts naturally creep back into limbo mode. It's another full time job keeping those little hooligans in line. They are making me feel all limoish these past few days. I need more me time, more time to visualize exactly what I want to create in my life. I understand that time is not a universal reality, but here on this planet patience is a virtue I am still working on. Santa Anna winds please blow me again tomorrow with more good news for my Hollywuffs! Ha!
In other news, I had an audition for The Next Female Action Star on Sat. I told them I was "Super mom by day, secret Ninja by night! For a different reality show that I am ironically taping today, Valentines Day, I must answer the question, Do I believe in love? My first reaction is yes, I do. I love my amazing son. I love my parents who always have my back. I love my protective big brother and my sister in law. My best friend is my younger sister. My adoring dogs always give me an over abundance of love. But they are talking about man love. I don’t think I have ever really had man love, really. Sure there are bits and pieces of different men that have been colored into my life, and yes, mostly the grayer shades. But regardless of their color, they all fade. Some fade after three months, others just short of a year. Maybe I should invest in paint thinner. Perhaps the blame truly does lye with all of those man frogs out there, but I can’t ignore that I'm the one attracting them. The hardest part is that my soul knows how quickly I would flourish with the right man and I crave for him to come out of hiding. But now, 34 years later..., answering the question, “Do I believe in love,” is surprisingly taunting me. Yes, of coarse I believe in love. I love love! I am a hopeless romantic. So where is he? I have a suspicion that my limbo-state of being might be the culprit. What if my continual state of being in survivor mode for so long has taken precedence over my love life? I will always believe in love, and I always wish upon that star. But if my life were a play, could true love ever be my leading man when Survival always plays the main character? Is the fairy tale ending I so desire fated or created?
Happy Valentines Day, heehee, xoxoxox M
Thursday, February 10, 2011
90 Day Law Of Attraction Challenge
I am now caught up on this post, which I am now going to use from now on. I picture winning the lotto A LOT! I have a code with my family, when I say, "The green worm has come out of the apple," on the phone, they know to hop on a plane to Los Angeles. I think it's a good plan, but have not yet won. It is said that everything is an illusion. I have been trying to see the numbers I want in lotto and scratch off's. I think I should celebrate more when my numbers don't come up, pretending like they did. Though, I have been very busy lately, spending countless hours editing my book for self ebook publishing. A decision made to keep my spirits high after many a book agent no. I have been waiting for a picture change from my amazing illustrator, throughout many times I have been tempted to upload my without, after all, I spent over 100 hours in a week making it ready, but instead, I had patience, I listened to something telling me to wait, and so did tons of research on the ebook world while waiting instead. As the recent Santa Ana winds have taken over the LA news, I get an email today from an interested agent in my book! Did I mention the Santa Ana winds are a major character in my book, they teach Holly Hollywuff to trust her instincts. I refuse to worry about finances, though my bank account begs to differ, but it's all an illusion anyway right? My habits of thinking about lack will only drag me down. If I put on my sunglasses, then bills don't glare at me so much. Keep your eyes on the prize Maija, keep your eye eye on the prize!!!! Until I write again!
90 day challenge 2/something?
Today I had an epiphany that certainly could not hurt! Yesterday, while I lazily rested in limbo, watching, reading, thinking and researching about all that I was thinking, today, I achieved an understanding that you cant spread your thoughts into too many different directions. I have made a HUGE discovery! Thoughts are worth far more than gold or diamonds or dollars are!
My most inner self knows that like attracts like, but I also feel scammed because I have been pure in my trusting of others. It's like we, the pure, have been lied to for eons upon eons by the watchers/ fallen ones. I'm not saying they are bad, but they are control freaks. I have been thinking about this a lot lately, apparently a bit too much. What started out as a tiny house built from agent after agent telling me they could only get me auditions if only I used "their" headshot photographer, mind you, 900 head shots later, equaling thousands of dollars and zero auditions later, except for the ones I got myself later, I was almost being scammed by a book agent a few weeks ago, and today, well why even go into detail over. What a waste of relative time, but no more!
I learned today that if you think about too many random things then you are spreading your intended energy too thin. What we want needs to be our focus. Every other thought needs to be its friend. I have wasted so many thoughts on things that I don't want or that don't matter to me. So many things scam us away from out intend intentions.
Oh, so my epiphany, I'm going to win the lotto. I can send my son to college, I can self publish, make my own documentaries/movies, I can contribute to the world. It's a win-win really! I have been feeling the lotto thing for a few months now but have been spreading my energy out with other intentions too. I watched a show on lottery winners last night and in the past I would have loved that they won and felt happy for them, but then would feel sad that I had not yet won, therefore canceling each other out. Now, this blonde has got it! Last night I was so happy when I watched the show. I saw the winners as me. I felt it, pictured it, and keep imagining it. It makes me feel happy and if that connection is so strong, then it must be a strong magnet. I'm going to win the lotto!
My other epiphany, 2012, should I even bother if it's all changing soon anyway! I believe the world is going to change. But is that my limbo thinking? I swear I think she has an on again off again love affair with my ego. But, Quantum Theory, Einstein, don't get me started, all say that we live in many dimensions, so if there are floods, fires, etc, to come, I kind of think it will happen on a vibration that is not part of my existence, even though I am in existence, just on a different frequency. Everything, even our physical form is mostly space. The adam is mostly space, so as I sit and have a nice dinner on my frequency, on another that I am not connected to, a major catastrophe is also going on. So with that in mind, yes I need to create what I want because no matter what dimension I am on or end up in, I am still in existence continually.
Today: Did not almost get scammed. Went on an audition today that is for tomorrow, hey, cool, it still means that I have an audition tomorrow! I wrote this! Thought about wining the lotto A LOT! Picked lotto numbers (my son picked a few) and played them, figured out it's not the first yet, I can do bills tomorrow, and am about to research an online e-book thing a knowledgeable friend suggested I check out.
Keep Ya posted!
M
My most inner self knows that like attracts like, but I also feel scammed because I have been pure in my trusting of others. It's like we, the pure, have been lied to for eons upon eons by the watchers/ fallen ones. I'm not saying they are bad, but they are control freaks. I have been thinking about this a lot lately, apparently a bit too much. What started out as a tiny house built from agent after agent telling me they could only get me auditions if only I used "their" headshot photographer, mind you, 900 head shots later, equaling thousands of dollars and zero auditions later, except for the ones I got myself later, I was almost being scammed by a book agent a few weeks ago, and today, well why even go into detail over. What a waste of relative time, but no more!
I learned today that if you think about too many random things then you are spreading your intended energy too thin. What we want needs to be our focus. Every other thought needs to be its friend. I have wasted so many thoughts on things that I don't want or that don't matter to me. So many things scam us away from out intend intentions.
Oh, so my epiphany, I'm going to win the lotto. I can send my son to college, I can self publish, make my own documentaries/movies, I can contribute to the world. It's a win-win really! I have been feeling the lotto thing for a few months now but have been spreading my energy out with other intentions too. I watched a show on lottery winners last night and in the past I would have loved that they won and felt happy for them, but then would feel sad that I had not yet won, therefore canceling each other out. Now, this blonde has got it! Last night I was so happy when I watched the show. I saw the winners as me. I felt it, pictured it, and keep imagining it. It makes me feel happy and if that connection is so strong, then it must be a strong magnet. I'm going to win the lotto!
My other epiphany, 2012, should I even bother if it's all changing soon anyway! I believe the world is going to change. But is that my limbo thinking? I swear I think she has an on again off again love affair with my ego. But, Quantum Theory, Einstein, don't get me started, all say that we live in many dimensions, so if there are floods, fires, etc, to come, I kind of think it will happen on a vibration that is not part of my existence, even though I am in existence, just on a different frequency. Everything, even our physical form is mostly space. The adam is mostly space, so as I sit and have a nice dinner on my frequency, on another that I am not connected to, a major catastrophe is also going on. So with that in mind, yes I need to create what I want because no matter what dimension I am on or end up in, I am still in existence continually.
Today: Did not almost get scammed. Went on an audition today that is for tomorrow, hey, cool, it still means that I have an audition tomorrow! I wrote this! Thought about wining the lotto A LOT! Picked lotto numbers (my son picked a few) and played them, figured out it's not the first yet, I can do bills tomorrow, and am about to research an online e-book thing a knowledgeable friend suggested I check out.
Keep Ya posted!
M
90 Day Law Of Attraction Challenge
I posted this on another thing but like this blog 1/29/11Day One;
It is my intention to achieve the following goals over the next 90 days; I want the book I wrote at a much higher level of success. I want an abundance of money. I want the right man, no more kissing frogs, only prince's please. And, I want speaking union acting roles. No more 125$/8 jobs.
I believe I can have the life, job and relationships that I want, I just never knew how. I think I have been accidently keeping myself in limbo for all of these years becuase as often as I happily day dreamed about myself in these situations, I also often cried, praying and pleading to the universe for them to finally come into fruition, therefore canceling one another out. That's what I call a big old OOPS! Emotion is what really ignites the engine of attraction, and I am a super sensitive, emotional being. This should work to my advantage if I apply, with complete faith, that which I have learned and am still learning. That which I already know, but have forgotten.
Though I read it years ago, (I read a lot) I bought the audio version of The Laws Of Attraction by Jerry & Ester Hicks. I have been listening to it in my car. Before that I was listening to The Power by Rhonda Bryne, which mom sent to me. I am going to follow the advice and get into the habit of deliberate attraction. Go Maija Go!
My Today;
The underlining theme from my c.d. listening today was not to think about anything that I don't want, but it's almost the first of the month and my bills, quite sneakily, keep creeping into my mind. I should have done them already, but thinking about it feels stressful, which is a negative emotion. But how do I pay my bills and not feel stressed? My maxed out credit cards rarely make the final cut into the paid file. Drat! I will take Bryne's advice on this one and be thankful to the electric company as I pay them, without electric I would not be writing this right now. And AT&T, thank you for..., my dropped calls? J/k. My cell does keep me connected to the world from anyplace. I do love that.
And instead of being stressed out about money I will think about how happy I am going to be when I win the lotto or book that big paying job. Though even that is thinking about what I don't yet have, isn't it? Am I attracting more of not having that which represents abundance when I think about it coming in the future instead of having it now? From what I have learned I need to be thinking and feeling like I have it already, therefore attracting that which I feel, that which I desire, abundance. This is tricker than it seem, or is it so simple that I'm complicating it? I am super good at make believe, maybe I should make some stuff up and believe it, act like it, so I attract it.
I have decided to stay home on this Saturday night and save my hangover for different Sunday morning. I'm going to do more research on book publishers and get some snuggle love from my doggies. I will meditate tomorrow and ask my angels for some extra special guidance over the next 90 days. My bills, well, it's the weekend anyway, but by Monday for sure. Oh, and I almost forgot, I'll write my affirmations down. Here I go, forming those good habits of deliberate creation.
Until tomorrow.
M
It is my intention to achieve the following goals over the next 90 days; I want the book I wrote at a much higher level of success. I want an abundance of money. I want the right man, no more kissing frogs, only prince's please. And, I want speaking union acting roles. No more 125$/8 jobs.
I believe I can have the life, job and relationships that I want, I just never knew how. I think I have been accidently keeping myself in limbo for all of these years becuase as often as I happily day dreamed about myself in these situations, I also often cried, praying and pleading to the universe for them to finally come into fruition, therefore canceling one another out. That's what I call a big old OOPS! Emotion is what really ignites the engine of attraction, and I am a super sensitive, emotional being. This should work to my advantage if I apply, with complete faith, that which I have learned and am still learning. That which I already know, but have forgotten.
Though I read it years ago, (I read a lot) I bought the audio version of The Laws Of Attraction by Jerry & Ester Hicks. I have been listening to it in my car. Before that I was listening to The Power by Rhonda Bryne, which mom sent to me. I am going to follow the advice and get into the habit of deliberate attraction. Go Maija Go!
My Today;
The underlining theme from my c.d. listening today was not to think about anything that I don't want, but it's almost the first of the month and my bills, quite sneakily, keep creeping into my mind. I should have done them already, but thinking about it feels stressful, which is a negative emotion. But how do I pay my bills and not feel stressed? My maxed out credit cards rarely make the final cut into the paid file. Drat! I will take Bryne's advice on this one and be thankful to the electric company as I pay them, without electric I would not be writing this right now. And AT&T, thank you for..., my dropped calls? J/k. My cell does keep me connected to the world from anyplace. I do love that.
And instead of being stressed out about money I will think about how happy I am going to be when I win the lotto or book that big paying job. Though even that is thinking about what I don't yet have, isn't it? Am I attracting more of not having that which represents abundance when I think about it coming in the future instead of having it now? From what I have learned I need to be thinking and feeling like I have it already, therefore attracting that which I feel, that which I desire, abundance. This is tricker than it seem, or is it so simple that I'm complicating it? I am super good at make believe, maybe I should make some stuff up and believe it, act like it, so I attract it.
I have decided to stay home on this Saturday night and save my hangover for different Sunday morning. I'm going to do more research on book publishers and get some snuggle love from my doggies. I will meditate tomorrow and ask my angels for some extra special guidance over the next 90 days. My bills, well, it's the weekend anyway, but by Monday for sure. Oh, and I almost forgot, I'll write my affirmations down. Here I go, forming those good habits of deliberate creation.
Until tomorrow.
M
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Sometimes divine shit just happens!
I just got home from a meditation at my Goddess girl Ruthies house. This meditation group included an ecliptic group of about 15 of us in total. We range from everything to everything. Some nights five show up, some all 15. Now keep in mind when I say mediation, we do meditate, but it's always an experience too. We must..by far ..be the most eccentric, a big bit on the wild side (hey a lil vino and green, or not, we dont judge nor should you) , mediation group of females ever devised, never the less we are very powerful.
So my girlfriend, Shana, who has been visiting with me the past few days, and I, leave Ruthies after helping to clean up, then my mother earth gf Ruhtie (who hosted) called me, I had forgotten something at her house. So I headed back to her house. She greets myself and my Shana-bannanna (aka my favorite Kato Kaelin house guest) We get out of the car and after recovering my forgotten belongings the three of us feeling our inner Goddess put our arms up to the nights sky and embrace it and ourselves in it. We hug each other and say a final few thoughts. Shana notices the Pleiades and then we track it down to Orion.
Shana shows her Pleiades of the seven sisters mapped out in freckles spread in between her breasts. Ruhtie, having already flashed us her beautiful bosoms as she bid us a fair well the first time we left, reminded us of the beauty of nature, and flashed us again, then and I too getting caught up in the beauty of the female body also flashed my Goddess sparklers to the universe. We then observed the nights sky in awe, I fixed on Orion's belt exclaimed, "Thats where I think I am from", (keep in mind this happened in sequence very quickly) AND THEN OUT OF THE NIGHTS SKY CAME A BEAUTIFUL SIGHT FOR OUR HUMAN EYES TO SEE. A SHOOTING STAR, OR MAYBE IT WAS A COMET, RACED ACROSS THE STARS OF PLEIADES AND INTO ORION'S BELT. A BRILLIANT SUN LIT BRIGHT ORANGE FIRE TRAILED AFTER THIS BRILLIANT WHITE LIGHT IN THE NIGHTS SKY FOR WHAT SEEMED LIKE MILES ACROSS OUR UNIVERSE AND INTO OUR SOULS.
We hugged and cheers and howled on this quiet Tuesday night in the quiet abc streets of the Pacific Palisades. We felt it was within our rights to have this gift of whatever each one of us would take it to mean, but we howled and rejoiced in our splendor at this gift from Innanna.( Oh did I mention I kept bringing up Inanna, as per my previous blog, she is my mother God, and even Father God knows to give her the "Presidential reign" over this next millennium. We need the balance of ying and yang to once again be restored.)
To the recovering and recovered ones, this was no ordinary comet or falling star. Its blaze trailed the colors of the sun setting against the ocean. That brilliant electrifying orange mixed with a hint of yellow stood out so powerfully we plain and simple just howled at it. It was not pre-meditated, it was a moment we all just felt. All three of us, as if we were sent into some type of trance, like our primordial animalistic selves were being beckoned to call home, we just howled at the blazing glory. A power surged through us. A don't give up, have strength and know what you know. I am who I am type feeling. A yes we have been good for so long and it is going to pay off, we are woman here us roar type feeling. But guys, same thing, an embracing of the divine male and woman, alpha, omega. You're not gay if you feel the divine feminine, and if you re gay, thank you for choosing to have a harder path to bring about the balance.
At the end of this all Ruthies teenage son comes running out to see what he thought the commotion was all about. He thought for sure one of us had stepped in shit. Perhaps we did, Divine female shit, well what choice then do we have but to empower the shit ass mess that was made of the female divine other than to just deal with it. Shit... we only got to vote in the USA what 60-70 years ago, something like that, and in the middle east...well...shit... come on, they have no rights at all. I could go on but, shit... you get the point. Yes woman have stepped in SHIT, it's time to wipe our selves clean of the old thought patterns and step into our equal rights. And they smell like roses.
I'm trying too myself, and I know I'm bound to step in Goddess shit again and again but, wow did tonight empower me. That beautiful sight with two of my favorite Goddesses plus me makes three and well we all know three is my number, Orion has three starts, I'm born on 3-3 Blah blah blah. I feel good shit coming this way. Good night and I LOVE YOU.
So my girlfriend, Shana, who has been visiting with me the past few days, and I, leave Ruthies after helping to clean up, then my mother earth gf Ruhtie (who hosted) called me, I had forgotten something at her house. So I headed back to her house. She greets myself and my Shana-bannanna (aka my favorite Kato Kaelin house guest) We get out of the car and after recovering my forgotten belongings the three of us feeling our inner Goddess put our arms up to the nights sky and embrace it and ourselves in it. We hug each other and say a final few thoughts. Shana notices the Pleiades and then we track it down to Orion.
Shana shows her Pleiades of the seven sisters mapped out in freckles spread in between her breasts. Ruhtie, having already flashed us her beautiful bosoms as she bid us a fair well the first time we left, reminded us of the beauty of nature, and flashed us again, then and I too getting caught up in the beauty of the female body also flashed my Goddess sparklers to the universe. We then observed the nights sky in awe, I fixed on Orion's belt exclaimed, "Thats where I think I am from", (keep in mind this happened in sequence very quickly) AND THEN OUT OF THE NIGHTS SKY CAME A BEAUTIFUL SIGHT FOR OUR HUMAN EYES TO SEE. A SHOOTING STAR, OR MAYBE IT WAS A COMET, RACED ACROSS THE STARS OF PLEIADES AND INTO ORION'S BELT. A BRILLIANT SUN LIT BRIGHT ORANGE FIRE TRAILED AFTER THIS BRILLIANT WHITE LIGHT IN THE NIGHTS SKY FOR WHAT SEEMED LIKE MILES ACROSS OUR UNIVERSE AND INTO OUR SOULS.
We hugged and cheers and howled on this quiet Tuesday night in the quiet abc streets of the Pacific Palisades. We felt it was within our rights to have this gift of whatever each one of us would take it to mean, but we howled and rejoiced in our splendor at this gift from Innanna.( Oh did I mention I kept bringing up Inanna, as per my previous blog, she is my mother God, and even Father God knows to give her the "Presidential reign" over this next millennium. We need the balance of ying and yang to once again be restored.)
To the recovering and recovered ones, this was no ordinary comet or falling star. Its blaze trailed the colors of the sun setting against the ocean. That brilliant electrifying orange mixed with a hint of yellow stood out so powerfully we plain and simple just howled at it. It was not pre-meditated, it was a moment we all just felt. All three of us, as if we were sent into some type of trance, like our primordial animalistic selves were being beckoned to call home, we just howled at the blazing glory. A power surged through us. A don't give up, have strength and know what you know. I am who I am type feeling. A yes we have been good for so long and it is going to pay off, we are woman here us roar type feeling. But guys, same thing, an embracing of the divine male and woman, alpha, omega. You're not gay if you feel the divine feminine, and if you re gay, thank you for choosing to have a harder path to bring about the balance.
At the end of this all Ruthies teenage son comes running out to see what he thought the commotion was all about. He thought for sure one of us had stepped in shit. Perhaps we did, Divine female shit, well what choice then do we have but to empower the shit ass mess that was made of the female divine other than to just deal with it. Shit... we only got to vote in the USA what 60-70 years ago, something like that, and in the middle east...well...shit... come on, they have no rights at all. I could go on but, shit... you get the point. Yes woman have stepped in SHIT, it's time to wipe our selves clean of the old thought patterns and step into our equal rights. And they smell like roses.
I'm trying too myself, and I know I'm bound to step in Goddess shit again and again but, wow did tonight empower me. That beautiful sight with two of my favorite Goddesses plus me makes three and well we all know three is my number, Orion has three starts, I'm born on 3-3 Blah blah blah. I feel good shit coming this way. Good night and I LOVE YOU.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
A recovering Goddess's first attempt to blog outta the smogltherest
To the recovering of this world,
I have always kept a journal, but it's now time for us all to share, and I do love to share, too much some times. I have been afraid of telling my truths, afraid of being judged. The opinions of the oppressed have flown around me, using me to be the beautifully tranquil eyes of their storms. They made me afraid to share. Told me I was crazy, told me I was wrong. I never thought anything I did was ever bad. I have never tried to intentionally hurt someone or do something that I thought was wrong. I deem the dark, bad, evil, whatever you want to call it, to be when you set out to hurt someone, or something. Ignorance is bliss when it comes to this. But I'm not ignorant right now, maybe I never was, though I doubt it,..hey I'm a steady working progress. :) I have learned that fear is the only thing the ego works off of, and the ego is the human downfall. I have seen it in the human, non human, and spiritual worlds. You have probably too, just didn't know it, unless you do, then I don't have to tell ya'. I swear I have lived so many lives so far, but now a days haven't so many of us? I refuse to be part of the problem, the negativity, yet I find myself in it after I chose not to be part of it. What happened to our supposed free will anyway? Do we or have we ever really had it? Brand new thought i just had, but... have we ever really had it as told in our approved biblical texts? Think about it. It's our human soul's universal right, and if there were a constitution for the Human existence, would our free will not be under major scrutiny? In the USA heck ya and that's a "free country" never mind other places in the world. You know what i am talking about. And look at history. How many innocents of yesterday and today are and were tortured and killed for no other reason than a different way of thinking. I don't mean to be a Debbie Downer but even in America I have been so fucked over by the govt, taxes, laws, things that left my jaw wide open..and no not because I was about to give the present love of my life the best bj ever but because I just got fucked so hard by them and never even saw it coming, no pun intended on the last part, heehee but let's face it, it's a form of rape! The modern day vampires have set you and me so far back because they have a greater power than the less ego thirsty dwellers on this planet. It's just plain wrong. It's against the majority's free will of choice, it's past an Earth thing. It's our universal rights! Ignorance is bliss! Ahemmm NOT! Wake up party people! Things happen to us against our free will and we do nothing. Now throw in the laws of attraction and then you got you attracting things that you don't want against your free will yet we should stay in our now. But it's not easy to do when your life is secure and good, never mind when it's mad and crazy, when the mind goes wildly out of control and creates shit you never intended to create. Bid sigh- yes, I'm sadly a master at this, I'm trying to break the habit, I'll keep you posted. It's all just so fucked up, yet I get it, but I don't. Those damn missing puzzle pieces! If you read ancient texts I swear I think our DNA has been tampered with. How can we as a whole not know what was our soul birth rights are when we have always know. We know, we do, but for some brain logged reason we are all programed not to talk about it,...what's it you ask? Any of it! We have been fucked with, mental and emotional abuse as a species. So forgive those smucks, girls or guys, that have done it to you, they got caught up with the bullies because they got scared. Now look at the bigger picture. It's the biggest cover up ever, but, I'll get back to that another time.
There are some secrets I must keep hidden for now that are from my personal life, but I promise you I will say all that I can. About me since it is my first blog, I do have so many little kid stories but let's jump ahead to if only "16 and pregnant" was a reality show 16 years ago. Maybe I would be making a living off of doing reality shows (and creating my secret society of the good on the side! )When I was 16 I was living on my own, had my son in my senior year of high school, ( he is now 16) Raised him on my own, blah blah for another time blah. From my spiritual experiences, to other worldly experiences to my human experiences they are all always on going. I live and I learn and try on all levels. I want to share because when I read things that I can relate to it makes me feel better in that moment and sometimes when that moment is so intense that you just want to rip your frickin hair out, well it's in those moments when I read something that I can relate to, it's like a sign, it gives me peace, peace that it's not just me.
I am from NYC, put myself through school for journalism and am a writer and actor in LA now. I'm broke due to this suck ass economy like the many of us, but I don't care. Though I do, I hate being broke, it sucks. But I will do what I love and will make a living from it. Whats my other choice? NOT TO! Doing what I hate, even if I make good money, being with a man who is sucking out all my energy until I'm nearly dead, those seem to be the ones who get you when you are your most vulnerable too, don't they. It's not worth your soul, been there done that, I have let go of the security which we were taught was. A man, a job, etc. Yet since I don't feel settled I am sure to make similar decisions. Damn patterns, ...but like any addiction, recognition is the first step. I will expand on that in a future blog, I have been there done them both more than once.
I have a great family, so you know, I'm just a little..ahmm... different, I always have been. I moved out when i was 16 although to be honest, I guess one would say I was a run away teen. I am who I am, no regrets, only life lessons, aghh, they always take a lil toll though don't they? I love this earth, and people, though they both sometimes make me want to bang my head against the wall, pound my fists hard on the ground, kick and scream and yell so very loud. I try not to though because that's looked down upon, lol, but have in those ever so embarrassing wish you could forget drunken moments. But is it just me or is life on this planet very fucked up? I'm tired of the good ones getting the bad end of the stick, (I'm trying not to curse) because we are good and don't know how to deceive does not mean we should get fucked over. I believe in karma, and yeah so it sucks for those who do bad, but they seem to not care who they lie and cheat to and seem to be living the high life while so many of the good suffer. I know when it is all said and done we will be on top, but I'm ready to be on top now, aren't you? Great, our karma's good but WTF when is it coming back around in our favor? That's all I'm saying. Great, I could lie cheat and steal but I know that this earth is a small part of my entire life as a soul. I'm not going to compromise it, give into the evil just because I am here now and having a hard time. By the way, I think one needs to do what they have to do in life to survive, as long as no one is getting hurt intentionally. is fine. Decisions of survival have nothing to do with what I am saying, and only the mislead (aka evil) ones will ever make you feel bad about those types of things and if they make you feel bad you must stop and think... do you feel bad because you do or because someone tried to make you. if it's the someone then go with you. No one knows you better than you, and the dark or gray or mislead ones will mess with your head to mess you up. It's a little, ok a huge, thing called mental and emotional abuse. Don't let them! One of my favorite sayings from a biblical text says...Behold, for I send you out as a sheep amongst wolves, therefore be as clever as a serpent yet as innocent as a dove.
Great and thanks, but are you down here, God? That's who said that according to biblical text. I know it's meant as good advice and I take it as such but well.... lemme' tell ya' I have decided the one for me to ask for guidance from is inanna, I think most people when they pray to God have no idea who they are even praying too. I believe in the good whole pure source of good light and energy which is where we all came from and that good source I do meditate to, and bath in that light, but lets face it, it's so pure that it does not always help us on this planet because the people of this planet are not all pure and I for one am tired of being screwed over. I have not yet learned how to fully listen to my inner being, guides and angels, (ps not all angels are good, careful of what whispers in your ear you listen to) but a Goddess who has been around since our creation like Inanna, also known as Ices, has been in our place, YEARS ago, but she understand it's not all pure, even God ( and not the pure light essence that I believe is the confusion between God and creation) Did you know that the biggest celebration for ever was to Ices the mother God. It is now Christmas, the church took it over for control and since it was the most celebrated day they chose it, and killed anyone who denied it as a catholic holiday afterwards. They burnt all of her temples and made them into churches. I don't like organised religion, because like most aspects of career and life the ones who are in power are those you are ego driven. Plato said those who are in power are those who ought not want to be. I could never have more than my people did, if I had a people, but I guess I do, my son. I give him whatever i can and always do without so he can have. I would do that with my peeps too, my needs, not that they come last, but not before either, but alas I am not in charge because I wont/cant sell out. I kind of sometimes wish i could, but I cant. I know better and once you know, you can't go back.
I have always kept a journal, but it's now time for us all to share, and I do love to share, too much some times. I have been afraid of telling my truths, afraid of being judged. The opinions of the oppressed have flown around me, using me to be the beautifully tranquil eyes of their storms. They made me afraid to share. Told me I was crazy, told me I was wrong. I never thought anything I did was ever bad. I have never tried to intentionally hurt someone or do something that I thought was wrong. I deem the dark, bad, evil, whatever you want to call it, to be when you set out to hurt someone, or something. Ignorance is bliss when it comes to this. But I'm not ignorant right now, maybe I never was, though I doubt it,..hey I'm a steady working progress. :) I have learned that fear is the only thing the ego works off of, and the ego is the human downfall. I have seen it in the human, non human, and spiritual worlds. You have probably too, just didn't know it, unless you do, then I don't have to tell ya'. I swear I have lived so many lives so far, but now a days haven't so many of us? I refuse to be part of the problem, the negativity, yet I find myself in it after I chose not to be part of it. What happened to our supposed free will anyway? Do we or have we ever really had it? Brand new thought i just had, but... have we ever really had it as told in our approved biblical texts? Think about it. It's our human soul's universal right, and if there were a constitution for the Human existence, would our free will not be under major scrutiny? In the USA heck ya and that's a "free country" never mind other places in the world. You know what i am talking about. And look at history. How many innocents of yesterday and today are and were tortured and killed for no other reason than a different way of thinking. I don't mean to be a Debbie Downer but even in America I have been so fucked over by the govt, taxes, laws, things that left my jaw wide open..and no not because I was about to give the present love of my life the best bj ever but because I just got fucked so hard by them and never even saw it coming, no pun intended on the last part, heehee but let's face it, it's a form of rape! The modern day vampires have set you and me so far back because they have a greater power than the less ego thirsty dwellers on this planet. It's just plain wrong. It's against the majority's free will of choice, it's past an Earth thing. It's our universal rights! Ignorance is bliss! Ahemmm NOT! Wake up party people! Things happen to us against our free will and we do nothing. Now throw in the laws of attraction and then you got you attracting things that you don't want against your free will yet we should stay in our now. But it's not easy to do when your life is secure and good, never mind when it's mad and crazy, when the mind goes wildly out of control and creates shit you never intended to create. Bid sigh- yes, I'm sadly a master at this, I'm trying to break the habit, I'll keep you posted. It's all just so fucked up, yet I get it, but I don't. Those damn missing puzzle pieces! If you read ancient texts I swear I think our DNA has been tampered with. How can we as a whole not know what was our soul birth rights are when we have always know. We know, we do, but for some brain logged reason we are all programed not to talk about it,...what's it you ask? Any of it! We have been fucked with, mental and emotional abuse as a species. So forgive those smucks, girls or guys, that have done it to you, they got caught up with the bullies because they got scared. Now look at the bigger picture. It's the biggest cover up ever, but, I'll get back to that another time.
There are some secrets I must keep hidden for now that are from my personal life, but I promise you I will say all that I can. About me since it is my first blog, I do have so many little kid stories but let's jump ahead to if only "16 and pregnant" was a reality show 16 years ago. Maybe I would be making a living off of doing reality shows (and creating my secret society of the good on the side! )When I was 16 I was living on my own, had my son in my senior year of high school, ( he is now 16) Raised him on my own, blah blah for another time blah. From my spiritual experiences, to other worldly experiences to my human experiences they are all always on going. I live and I learn and try on all levels. I want to share because when I read things that I can relate to it makes me feel better in that moment and sometimes when that moment is so intense that you just want to rip your frickin hair out, well it's in those moments when I read something that I can relate to, it's like a sign, it gives me peace, peace that it's not just me.
I am from NYC, put myself through school for journalism and am a writer and actor in LA now. I'm broke due to this suck ass economy like the many of us, but I don't care. Though I do, I hate being broke, it sucks. But I will do what I love and will make a living from it. Whats my other choice? NOT TO! Doing what I hate, even if I make good money, being with a man who is sucking out all my energy until I'm nearly dead, those seem to be the ones who get you when you are your most vulnerable too, don't they. It's not worth your soul, been there done that, I have let go of the security which we were taught was. A man, a job, etc. Yet since I don't feel settled I am sure to make similar decisions. Damn patterns, ...but like any addiction, recognition is the first step. I will expand on that in a future blog, I have been there done them both more than once.
I have a great family, so you know, I'm just a little..ahmm... different, I always have been. I moved out when i was 16 although to be honest, I guess one would say I was a run away teen. I am who I am, no regrets, only life lessons, aghh, they always take a lil toll though don't they? I love this earth, and people, though they both sometimes make me want to bang my head against the wall, pound my fists hard on the ground, kick and scream and yell so very loud. I try not to though because that's looked down upon, lol, but have in those ever so embarrassing wish you could forget drunken moments. But is it just me or is life on this planet very fucked up? I'm tired of the good ones getting the bad end of the stick, (I'm trying not to curse) because we are good and don't know how to deceive does not mean we should get fucked over. I believe in karma, and yeah so it sucks for those who do bad, but they seem to not care who they lie and cheat to and seem to be living the high life while so many of the good suffer. I know when it is all said and done we will be on top, but I'm ready to be on top now, aren't you? Great, our karma's good but WTF when is it coming back around in our favor? That's all I'm saying. Great, I could lie cheat and steal but I know that this earth is a small part of my entire life as a soul. I'm not going to compromise it, give into the evil just because I am here now and having a hard time. By the way, I think one needs to do what they have to do in life to survive, as long as no one is getting hurt intentionally. is fine. Decisions of survival have nothing to do with what I am saying, and only the mislead (aka evil) ones will ever make you feel bad about those types of things and if they make you feel bad you must stop and think... do you feel bad because you do or because someone tried to make you. if it's the someone then go with you. No one knows you better than you, and the dark or gray or mislead ones will mess with your head to mess you up. It's a little, ok a huge, thing called mental and emotional abuse. Don't let them! One of my favorite sayings from a biblical text says...Behold, for I send you out as a sheep amongst wolves, therefore be as clever as a serpent yet as innocent as a dove.
Great and thanks, but are you down here, God? That's who said that according to biblical text. I know it's meant as good advice and I take it as such but well.... lemme' tell ya' I have decided the one for me to ask for guidance from is inanna, I think most people when they pray to God have no idea who they are even praying too. I believe in the good whole pure source of good light and energy which is where we all came from and that good source I do meditate to, and bath in that light, but lets face it, it's so pure that it does not always help us on this planet because the people of this planet are not all pure and I for one am tired of being screwed over. I have not yet learned how to fully listen to my inner being, guides and angels, (ps not all angels are good, careful of what whispers in your ear you listen to) but a Goddess who has been around since our creation like Inanna, also known as Ices, has been in our place, YEARS ago, but she understand it's not all pure, even God ( and not the pure light essence that I believe is the confusion between God and creation) Did you know that the biggest celebration for ever was to Ices the mother God. It is now Christmas, the church took it over for control and since it was the most celebrated day they chose it, and killed anyone who denied it as a catholic holiday afterwards. They burnt all of her temples and made them into churches. I don't like organised religion, because like most aspects of career and life the ones who are in power are those you are ego driven. Plato said those who are in power are those who ought not want to be. I could never have more than my people did, if I had a people, but I guess I do, my son. I give him whatever i can and always do without so he can have. I would do that with my peeps too, my needs, not that they come last, but not before either, but alas I am not in charge because I wont/cant sell out. I kind of sometimes wish i could, but I cant. I know better and once you know, you can't go back.
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