I took my love and I took it down I climbed a mountain and I turned around And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills 'Til the landslide brought me down Oh, mirror in the sky What is love? Can the child within my heart rise above? Can I sail thru the changing ocean tides? Can I handle the seasons of my life? Mmm Mmm... I don't know... Mmm Mmm... Mmm Mmm... Well, I've been afraid of changing 'Cause I've built my life around you But time makes you bolder Children get older I'm getting older too So... (Guitar solo) I've been afraid of changing 'Cause I, I´ve built my life around you But time makes you bolder Children get older I'm getting older too... I'm getting older too... So, take this love, take it down Oh if you climb a mountain and you turn around If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills Well the landslide will bring you down, down And If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills Well maybe... The landslide will bring you down Well well... the landslide will bring you down |
An intimate peek into the life of a young single mom's artistically spiritual life style. Searching for Mr Right while trying to build a career can be a tricky web to weave. Throw in three dogs and raising a teenage son solo and that silky weaved design is sure to keep tearing, or is it? According to The Laws Of Attraction thoughts created the tears. If changing your thoughts can bring a heart-full of desire from anything to everything then it's a challenge well worth purposeful thinking for.
Friday, February 18, 2011
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Monday, February 14, 2011
90 Day Law Of Attraction Challenge
It's hard not to feel frustrated sometimes, but life is sometimes that way. After emailing more book chapters, I have not yet heard back from the book manager interested in Hollywuffs. Since Friday I have been trying to focus on keeping only happy thoughts and visions. Thing is, my thoughts naturally creep back into limbo mode. It's another full time job keeping those little hooligans in line. They are making me feel all limoish these past few days. I need more me time, more time to visualize exactly what I want to create in my life. I understand that time is not a universal reality, but here on this planet patience is a virtue I am still working on. Santa Anna winds please blow me again tomorrow with more good news for my Hollywuffs! Ha!
In other news, I had an audition for The Next Female Action Star on Sat. I told them I was "Super mom by day, secret Ninja by night! For a different reality show that I am ironically taping today, Valentines Day, I must answer the question, Do I believe in love? My first reaction is yes, I do. I love my amazing son. I love my parents who always have my back. I love my protective big brother and my sister in law. My best friend is my younger sister. My adoring dogs always give me an over abundance of love. But they are talking about man love. I don’t think I have ever really had man love, really. Sure there are bits and pieces of different men that have been colored into my life, and yes, mostly the grayer shades. But regardless of their color, they all fade. Some fade after three months, others just short of a year. Maybe I should invest in paint thinner. Perhaps the blame truly does lye with all of those man frogs out there, but I can’t ignore that I'm the one attracting them. The hardest part is that my soul knows how quickly I would flourish with the right man and I crave for him to come out of hiding. But now, 34 years later..., answering the question, “Do I believe in love,” is surprisingly taunting me. Yes, of coarse I believe in love. I love love! I am a hopeless romantic. So where is he? I have a suspicion that my limbo-state of being might be the culprit. What if my continual state of being in survivor mode for so long has taken precedence over my love life? I will always believe in love, and I always wish upon that star. But if my life were a play, could true love ever be my leading man when Survival always plays the main character? Is the fairy tale ending I so desire fated or created?
Happy Valentines Day, heehee, xoxoxox M
Thursday, February 10, 2011
90 Day Law Of Attraction Challenge
I am now caught up on this post, which I am now going to use from now on. I picture winning the lotto A LOT! I have a code with my family, when I say, "The green worm has come out of the apple," on the phone, they know to hop on a plane to Los Angeles. I think it's a good plan, but have not yet won. It is said that everything is an illusion. I have been trying to see the numbers I want in lotto and scratch off's. I think I should celebrate more when my numbers don't come up, pretending like they did. Though, I have been very busy lately, spending countless hours editing my book for self ebook publishing. A decision made to keep my spirits high after many a book agent no. I have been waiting for a picture change from my amazing illustrator, throughout many times I have been tempted to upload my without, after all, I spent over 100 hours in a week making it ready, but instead, I had patience, I listened to something telling me to wait, and so did tons of research on the ebook world while waiting instead. As the recent Santa Ana winds have taken over the LA news, I get an email today from an interested agent in my book! Did I mention the Santa Ana winds are a major character in my book, they teach Holly Hollywuff to trust her instincts. I refuse to worry about finances, though my bank account begs to differ, but it's all an illusion anyway right? My habits of thinking about lack will only drag me down. If I put on my sunglasses, then bills don't glare at me so much. Keep your eyes on the prize Maija, keep your eye eye on the prize!!!! Until I write again!
90 day challenge 2/something?
Today I had an epiphany that certainly could not hurt! Yesterday, while I lazily rested in limbo, watching, reading, thinking and researching about all that I was thinking, today, I achieved an understanding that you cant spread your thoughts into too many different directions. I have made a HUGE discovery! Thoughts are worth far more than gold or diamonds or dollars are!
My most inner self knows that like attracts like, but I also feel scammed because I have been pure in my trusting of others. It's like we, the pure, have been lied to for eons upon eons by the watchers/ fallen ones. I'm not saying they are bad, but they are control freaks. I have been thinking about this a lot lately, apparently a bit too much. What started out as a tiny house built from agent after agent telling me they could only get me auditions if only I used "their" headshot photographer, mind you, 900 head shots later, equaling thousands of dollars and zero auditions later, except for the ones I got myself later, I was almost being scammed by a book agent a few weeks ago, and today, well why even go into detail over. What a waste of relative time, but no more!
I learned today that if you think about too many random things then you are spreading your intended energy too thin. What we want needs to be our focus. Every other thought needs to be its friend. I have wasted so many thoughts on things that I don't want or that don't matter to me. So many things scam us away from out intend intentions.
Oh, so my epiphany, I'm going to win the lotto. I can send my son to college, I can self publish, make my own documentaries/movies, I can contribute to the world. It's a win-win really! I have been feeling the lotto thing for a few months now but have been spreading my energy out with other intentions too. I watched a show on lottery winners last night and in the past I would have loved that they won and felt happy for them, but then would feel sad that I had not yet won, therefore canceling each other out. Now, this blonde has got it! Last night I was so happy when I watched the show. I saw the winners as me. I felt it, pictured it, and keep imagining it. It makes me feel happy and if that connection is so strong, then it must be a strong magnet. I'm going to win the lotto!
My other epiphany, 2012, should I even bother if it's all changing soon anyway! I believe the world is going to change. But is that my limbo thinking? I swear I think she has an on again off again love affair with my ego. But, Quantum Theory, Einstein, don't get me started, all say that we live in many dimensions, so if there are floods, fires, etc, to come, I kind of think it will happen on a vibration that is not part of my existence, even though I am in existence, just on a different frequency. Everything, even our physical form is mostly space. The adam is mostly space, so as I sit and have a nice dinner on my frequency, on another that I am not connected to, a major catastrophe is also going on. So with that in mind, yes I need to create what I want because no matter what dimension I am on or end up in, I am still in existence continually.
Today: Did not almost get scammed. Went on an audition today that is for tomorrow, hey, cool, it still means that I have an audition tomorrow! I wrote this! Thought about wining the lotto A LOT! Picked lotto numbers (my son picked a few) and played them, figured out it's not the first yet, I can do bills tomorrow, and am about to research an online e-book thing a knowledgeable friend suggested I check out.
Keep Ya posted!
M
My most inner self knows that like attracts like, but I also feel scammed because I have been pure in my trusting of others. It's like we, the pure, have been lied to for eons upon eons by the watchers/ fallen ones. I'm not saying they are bad, but they are control freaks. I have been thinking about this a lot lately, apparently a bit too much. What started out as a tiny house built from agent after agent telling me they could only get me auditions if only I used "their" headshot photographer, mind you, 900 head shots later, equaling thousands of dollars and zero auditions later, except for the ones I got myself later, I was almost being scammed by a book agent a few weeks ago, and today, well why even go into detail over. What a waste of relative time, but no more!
I learned today that if you think about too many random things then you are spreading your intended energy too thin. What we want needs to be our focus. Every other thought needs to be its friend. I have wasted so many thoughts on things that I don't want or that don't matter to me. So many things scam us away from out intend intentions.
Oh, so my epiphany, I'm going to win the lotto. I can send my son to college, I can self publish, make my own documentaries/movies, I can contribute to the world. It's a win-win really! I have been feeling the lotto thing for a few months now but have been spreading my energy out with other intentions too. I watched a show on lottery winners last night and in the past I would have loved that they won and felt happy for them, but then would feel sad that I had not yet won, therefore canceling each other out. Now, this blonde has got it! Last night I was so happy when I watched the show. I saw the winners as me. I felt it, pictured it, and keep imagining it. It makes me feel happy and if that connection is so strong, then it must be a strong magnet. I'm going to win the lotto!
My other epiphany, 2012, should I even bother if it's all changing soon anyway! I believe the world is going to change. But is that my limbo thinking? I swear I think she has an on again off again love affair with my ego. But, Quantum Theory, Einstein, don't get me started, all say that we live in many dimensions, so if there are floods, fires, etc, to come, I kind of think it will happen on a vibration that is not part of my existence, even though I am in existence, just on a different frequency. Everything, even our physical form is mostly space. The adam is mostly space, so as I sit and have a nice dinner on my frequency, on another that I am not connected to, a major catastrophe is also going on. So with that in mind, yes I need to create what I want because no matter what dimension I am on or end up in, I am still in existence continually.
Today: Did not almost get scammed. Went on an audition today that is for tomorrow, hey, cool, it still means that I have an audition tomorrow! I wrote this! Thought about wining the lotto A LOT! Picked lotto numbers (my son picked a few) and played them, figured out it's not the first yet, I can do bills tomorrow, and am about to research an online e-book thing a knowledgeable friend suggested I check out.
Keep Ya posted!
M
90 Day Law Of Attraction Challenge
I posted this on another thing but like this blog 1/29/11Day One;
It is my intention to achieve the following goals over the next 90 days; I want the book I wrote at a much higher level of success. I want an abundance of money. I want the right man, no more kissing frogs, only prince's please. And, I want speaking union acting roles. No more 125$/8 jobs.
I believe I can have the life, job and relationships that I want, I just never knew how. I think I have been accidently keeping myself in limbo for all of these years becuase as often as I happily day dreamed about myself in these situations, I also often cried, praying and pleading to the universe for them to finally come into fruition, therefore canceling one another out. That's what I call a big old OOPS! Emotion is what really ignites the engine of attraction, and I am a super sensitive, emotional being. This should work to my advantage if I apply, with complete faith, that which I have learned and am still learning. That which I already know, but have forgotten.
Though I read it years ago, (I read a lot) I bought the audio version of The Laws Of Attraction by Jerry & Ester Hicks. I have been listening to it in my car. Before that I was listening to The Power by Rhonda Bryne, which mom sent to me. I am going to follow the advice and get into the habit of deliberate attraction. Go Maija Go!
My Today;
The underlining theme from my c.d. listening today was not to think about anything that I don't want, but it's almost the first of the month and my bills, quite sneakily, keep creeping into my mind. I should have done them already, but thinking about it feels stressful, which is a negative emotion. But how do I pay my bills and not feel stressed? My maxed out credit cards rarely make the final cut into the paid file. Drat! I will take Bryne's advice on this one and be thankful to the electric company as I pay them, without electric I would not be writing this right now. And AT&T, thank you for..., my dropped calls? J/k. My cell does keep me connected to the world from anyplace. I do love that.
And instead of being stressed out about money I will think about how happy I am going to be when I win the lotto or book that big paying job. Though even that is thinking about what I don't yet have, isn't it? Am I attracting more of not having that which represents abundance when I think about it coming in the future instead of having it now? From what I have learned I need to be thinking and feeling like I have it already, therefore attracting that which I feel, that which I desire, abundance. This is tricker than it seem, or is it so simple that I'm complicating it? I am super good at make believe, maybe I should make some stuff up and believe it, act like it, so I attract it.
I have decided to stay home on this Saturday night and save my hangover for different Sunday morning. I'm going to do more research on book publishers and get some snuggle love from my doggies. I will meditate tomorrow and ask my angels for some extra special guidance over the next 90 days. My bills, well, it's the weekend anyway, but by Monday for sure. Oh, and I almost forgot, I'll write my affirmations down. Here I go, forming those good habits of deliberate creation.
Until tomorrow.
M
It is my intention to achieve the following goals over the next 90 days; I want the book I wrote at a much higher level of success. I want an abundance of money. I want the right man, no more kissing frogs, only prince's please. And, I want speaking union acting roles. No more 125$/8 jobs.
I believe I can have the life, job and relationships that I want, I just never knew how. I think I have been accidently keeping myself in limbo for all of these years becuase as often as I happily day dreamed about myself in these situations, I also often cried, praying and pleading to the universe for them to finally come into fruition, therefore canceling one another out. That's what I call a big old OOPS! Emotion is what really ignites the engine of attraction, and I am a super sensitive, emotional being. This should work to my advantage if I apply, with complete faith, that which I have learned and am still learning. That which I already know, but have forgotten.
Though I read it years ago, (I read a lot) I bought the audio version of The Laws Of Attraction by Jerry & Ester Hicks. I have been listening to it in my car. Before that I was listening to The Power by Rhonda Bryne, which mom sent to me. I am going to follow the advice and get into the habit of deliberate attraction. Go Maija Go!
My Today;
The underlining theme from my c.d. listening today was not to think about anything that I don't want, but it's almost the first of the month and my bills, quite sneakily, keep creeping into my mind. I should have done them already, but thinking about it feels stressful, which is a negative emotion. But how do I pay my bills and not feel stressed? My maxed out credit cards rarely make the final cut into the paid file. Drat! I will take Bryne's advice on this one and be thankful to the electric company as I pay them, without electric I would not be writing this right now. And AT&T, thank you for..., my dropped calls? J/k. My cell does keep me connected to the world from anyplace. I do love that.
And instead of being stressed out about money I will think about how happy I am going to be when I win the lotto or book that big paying job. Though even that is thinking about what I don't yet have, isn't it? Am I attracting more of not having that which represents abundance when I think about it coming in the future instead of having it now? From what I have learned I need to be thinking and feeling like I have it already, therefore attracting that which I feel, that which I desire, abundance. This is tricker than it seem, or is it so simple that I'm complicating it? I am super good at make believe, maybe I should make some stuff up and believe it, act like it, so I attract it.
I have decided to stay home on this Saturday night and save my hangover for different Sunday morning. I'm going to do more research on book publishers and get some snuggle love from my doggies. I will meditate tomorrow and ask my angels for some extra special guidance over the next 90 days. My bills, well, it's the weekend anyway, but by Monday for sure. Oh, and I almost forgot, I'll write my affirmations down. Here I go, forming those good habits of deliberate creation.
Until tomorrow.
M
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Sometimes divine shit just happens!
I just got home from a meditation at my Goddess girl Ruthies house. This meditation group included an ecliptic group of about 15 of us in total. We range from everything to everything. Some nights five show up, some all 15. Now keep in mind when I say mediation, we do meditate, but it's always an experience too. We must..by far ..be the most eccentric, a big bit on the wild side (hey a lil vino and green, or not, we dont judge nor should you) , mediation group of females ever devised, never the less we are very powerful.
So my girlfriend, Shana, who has been visiting with me the past few days, and I, leave Ruthies after helping to clean up, then my mother earth gf Ruhtie (who hosted) called me, I had forgotten something at her house. So I headed back to her house. She greets myself and my Shana-bannanna (aka my favorite Kato Kaelin house guest) We get out of the car and after recovering my forgotten belongings the three of us feeling our inner Goddess put our arms up to the nights sky and embrace it and ourselves in it. We hug each other and say a final few thoughts. Shana notices the Pleiades and then we track it down to Orion.
Shana shows her Pleiades of the seven sisters mapped out in freckles spread in between her breasts. Ruhtie, having already flashed us her beautiful bosoms as she bid us a fair well the first time we left, reminded us of the beauty of nature, and flashed us again, then and I too getting caught up in the beauty of the female body also flashed my Goddess sparklers to the universe. We then observed the nights sky in awe, I fixed on Orion's belt exclaimed, "Thats where I think I am from", (keep in mind this happened in sequence very quickly) AND THEN OUT OF THE NIGHTS SKY CAME A BEAUTIFUL SIGHT FOR OUR HUMAN EYES TO SEE. A SHOOTING STAR, OR MAYBE IT WAS A COMET, RACED ACROSS THE STARS OF PLEIADES AND INTO ORION'S BELT. A BRILLIANT SUN LIT BRIGHT ORANGE FIRE TRAILED AFTER THIS BRILLIANT WHITE LIGHT IN THE NIGHTS SKY FOR WHAT SEEMED LIKE MILES ACROSS OUR UNIVERSE AND INTO OUR SOULS.
We hugged and cheers and howled on this quiet Tuesday night in the quiet abc streets of the Pacific Palisades. We felt it was within our rights to have this gift of whatever each one of us would take it to mean, but we howled and rejoiced in our splendor at this gift from Innanna.( Oh did I mention I kept bringing up Inanna, as per my previous blog, she is my mother God, and even Father God knows to give her the "Presidential reign" over this next millennium. We need the balance of ying and yang to once again be restored.)
To the recovering and recovered ones, this was no ordinary comet or falling star. Its blaze trailed the colors of the sun setting against the ocean. That brilliant electrifying orange mixed with a hint of yellow stood out so powerfully we plain and simple just howled at it. It was not pre-meditated, it was a moment we all just felt. All three of us, as if we were sent into some type of trance, like our primordial animalistic selves were being beckoned to call home, we just howled at the blazing glory. A power surged through us. A don't give up, have strength and know what you know. I am who I am type feeling. A yes we have been good for so long and it is going to pay off, we are woman here us roar type feeling. But guys, same thing, an embracing of the divine male and woman, alpha, omega. You're not gay if you feel the divine feminine, and if you re gay, thank you for choosing to have a harder path to bring about the balance.
At the end of this all Ruthies teenage son comes running out to see what he thought the commotion was all about. He thought for sure one of us had stepped in shit. Perhaps we did, Divine female shit, well what choice then do we have but to empower the shit ass mess that was made of the female divine other than to just deal with it. Shit... we only got to vote in the USA what 60-70 years ago, something like that, and in the middle east...well...shit... come on, they have no rights at all. I could go on but, shit... you get the point. Yes woman have stepped in SHIT, it's time to wipe our selves clean of the old thought patterns and step into our equal rights. And they smell like roses.
I'm trying too myself, and I know I'm bound to step in Goddess shit again and again but, wow did tonight empower me. That beautiful sight with two of my favorite Goddesses plus me makes three and well we all know three is my number, Orion has three starts, I'm born on 3-3 Blah blah blah. I feel good shit coming this way. Good night and I LOVE YOU.
So my girlfriend, Shana, who has been visiting with me the past few days, and I, leave Ruthies after helping to clean up, then my mother earth gf Ruhtie (who hosted) called me, I had forgotten something at her house. So I headed back to her house. She greets myself and my Shana-bannanna (aka my favorite Kato Kaelin house guest) We get out of the car and after recovering my forgotten belongings the three of us feeling our inner Goddess put our arms up to the nights sky and embrace it and ourselves in it. We hug each other and say a final few thoughts. Shana notices the Pleiades and then we track it down to Orion.
Shana shows her Pleiades of the seven sisters mapped out in freckles spread in between her breasts. Ruhtie, having already flashed us her beautiful bosoms as she bid us a fair well the first time we left, reminded us of the beauty of nature, and flashed us again, then and I too getting caught up in the beauty of the female body also flashed my Goddess sparklers to the universe. We then observed the nights sky in awe, I fixed on Orion's belt exclaimed, "Thats where I think I am from", (keep in mind this happened in sequence very quickly) AND THEN OUT OF THE NIGHTS SKY CAME A BEAUTIFUL SIGHT FOR OUR HUMAN EYES TO SEE. A SHOOTING STAR, OR MAYBE IT WAS A COMET, RACED ACROSS THE STARS OF PLEIADES AND INTO ORION'S BELT. A BRILLIANT SUN LIT BRIGHT ORANGE FIRE TRAILED AFTER THIS BRILLIANT WHITE LIGHT IN THE NIGHTS SKY FOR WHAT SEEMED LIKE MILES ACROSS OUR UNIVERSE AND INTO OUR SOULS.
We hugged and cheers and howled on this quiet Tuesday night in the quiet abc streets of the Pacific Palisades. We felt it was within our rights to have this gift of whatever each one of us would take it to mean, but we howled and rejoiced in our splendor at this gift from Innanna.( Oh did I mention I kept bringing up Inanna, as per my previous blog, she is my mother God, and even Father God knows to give her the "Presidential reign" over this next millennium. We need the balance of ying and yang to once again be restored.)
To the recovering and recovered ones, this was no ordinary comet or falling star. Its blaze trailed the colors of the sun setting against the ocean. That brilliant electrifying orange mixed with a hint of yellow stood out so powerfully we plain and simple just howled at it. It was not pre-meditated, it was a moment we all just felt. All three of us, as if we were sent into some type of trance, like our primordial animalistic selves were being beckoned to call home, we just howled at the blazing glory. A power surged through us. A don't give up, have strength and know what you know. I am who I am type feeling. A yes we have been good for so long and it is going to pay off, we are woman here us roar type feeling. But guys, same thing, an embracing of the divine male and woman, alpha, omega. You're not gay if you feel the divine feminine, and if you re gay, thank you for choosing to have a harder path to bring about the balance.
At the end of this all Ruthies teenage son comes running out to see what he thought the commotion was all about. He thought for sure one of us had stepped in shit. Perhaps we did, Divine female shit, well what choice then do we have but to empower the shit ass mess that was made of the female divine other than to just deal with it. Shit... we only got to vote in the USA what 60-70 years ago, something like that, and in the middle east...well...shit... come on, they have no rights at all. I could go on but, shit... you get the point. Yes woman have stepped in SHIT, it's time to wipe our selves clean of the old thought patterns and step into our equal rights. And they smell like roses.
I'm trying too myself, and I know I'm bound to step in Goddess shit again and again but, wow did tonight empower me. That beautiful sight with two of my favorite Goddesses plus me makes three and well we all know three is my number, Orion has three starts, I'm born on 3-3 Blah blah blah. I feel good shit coming this way. Good night and I LOVE YOU.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
A recovering Goddess's first attempt to blog outta the smogltherest
To the recovering of this world,
I have always kept a journal, but it's now time for us all to share, and I do love to share, too much some times. I have been afraid of telling my truths, afraid of being judged. The opinions of the oppressed have flown around me, using me to be the beautifully tranquil eyes of their storms. They made me afraid to share. Told me I was crazy, told me I was wrong. I never thought anything I did was ever bad. I have never tried to intentionally hurt someone or do something that I thought was wrong. I deem the dark, bad, evil, whatever you want to call it, to be when you set out to hurt someone, or something. Ignorance is bliss when it comes to this. But I'm not ignorant right now, maybe I never was, though I doubt it,..hey I'm a steady working progress. :) I have learned that fear is the only thing the ego works off of, and the ego is the human downfall. I have seen it in the human, non human, and spiritual worlds. You have probably too, just didn't know it, unless you do, then I don't have to tell ya'. I swear I have lived so many lives so far, but now a days haven't so many of us? I refuse to be part of the problem, the negativity, yet I find myself in it after I chose not to be part of it. What happened to our supposed free will anyway? Do we or have we ever really had it? Brand new thought i just had, but... have we ever really had it as told in our approved biblical texts? Think about it. It's our human soul's universal right, and if there were a constitution for the Human existence, would our free will not be under major scrutiny? In the USA heck ya and that's a "free country" never mind other places in the world. You know what i am talking about. And look at history. How many innocents of yesterday and today are and were tortured and killed for no other reason than a different way of thinking. I don't mean to be a Debbie Downer but even in America I have been so fucked over by the govt, taxes, laws, things that left my jaw wide open..and no not because I was about to give the present love of my life the best bj ever but because I just got fucked so hard by them and never even saw it coming, no pun intended on the last part, heehee but let's face it, it's a form of rape! The modern day vampires have set you and me so far back because they have a greater power than the less ego thirsty dwellers on this planet. It's just plain wrong. It's against the majority's free will of choice, it's past an Earth thing. It's our universal rights! Ignorance is bliss! Ahemmm NOT! Wake up party people! Things happen to us against our free will and we do nothing. Now throw in the laws of attraction and then you got you attracting things that you don't want against your free will yet we should stay in our now. But it's not easy to do when your life is secure and good, never mind when it's mad and crazy, when the mind goes wildly out of control and creates shit you never intended to create. Bid sigh- yes, I'm sadly a master at this, I'm trying to break the habit, I'll keep you posted. It's all just so fucked up, yet I get it, but I don't. Those damn missing puzzle pieces! If you read ancient texts I swear I think our DNA has been tampered with. How can we as a whole not know what was our soul birth rights are when we have always know. We know, we do, but for some brain logged reason we are all programed not to talk about it,...what's it you ask? Any of it! We have been fucked with, mental and emotional abuse as a species. So forgive those smucks, girls or guys, that have done it to you, they got caught up with the bullies because they got scared. Now look at the bigger picture. It's the biggest cover up ever, but, I'll get back to that another time.
There are some secrets I must keep hidden for now that are from my personal life, but I promise you I will say all that I can. About me since it is my first blog, I do have so many little kid stories but let's jump ahead to if only "16 and pregnant" was a reality show 16 years ago. Maybe I would be making a living off of doing reality shows (and creating my secret society of the good on the side! )When I was 16 I was living on my own, had my son in my senior year of high school, ( he is now 16) Raised him on my own, blah blah for another time blah. From my spiritual experiences, to other worldly experiences to my human experiences they are all always on going. I live and I learn and try on all levels. I want to share because when I read things that I can relate to it makes me feel better in that moment and sometimes when that moment is so intense that you just want to rip your frickin hair out, well it's in those moments when I read something that I can relate to, it's like a sign, it gives me peace, peace that it's not just me.
I am from NYC, put myself through school for journalism and am a writer and actor in LA now. I'm broke due to this suck ass economy like the many of us, but I don't care. Though I do, I hate being broke, it sucks. But I will do what I love and will make a living from it. Whats my other choice? NOT TO! Doing what I hate, even if I make good money, being with a man who is sucking out all my energy until I'm nearly dead, those seem to be the ones who get you when you are your most vulnerable too, don't they. It's not worth your soul, been there done that, I have let go of the security which we were taught was. A man, a job, etc. Yet since I don't feel settled I am sure to make similar decisions. Damn patterns, ...but like any addiction, recognition is the first step. I will expand on that in a future blog, I have been there done them both more than once.
I have a great family, so you know, I'm just a little..ahmm... different, I always have been. I moved out when i was 16 although to be honest, I guess one would say I was a run away teen. I am who I am, no regrets, only life lessons, aghh, they always take a lil toll though don't they? I love this earth, and people, though they both sometimes make me want to bang my head against the wall, pound my fists hard on the ground, kick and scream and yell so very loud. I try not to though because that's looked down upon, lol, but have in those ever so embarrassing wish you could forget drunken moments. But is it just me or is life on this planet very fucked up? I'm tired of the good ones getting the bad end of the stick, (I'm trying not to curse) because we are good and don't know how to deceive does not mean we should get fucked over. I believe in karma, and yeah so it sucks for those who do bad, but they seem to not care who they lie and cheat to and seem to be living the high life while so many of the good suffer. I know when it is all said and done we will be on top, but I'm ready to be on top now, aren't you? Great, our karma's good but WTF when is it coming back around in our favor? That's all I'm saying. Great, I could lie cheat and steal but I know that this earth is a small part of my entire life as a soul. I'm not going to compromise it, give into the evil just because I am here now and having a hard time. By the way, I think one needs to do what they have to do in life to survive, as long as no one is getting hurt intentionally. is fine. Decisions of survival have nothing to do with what I am saying, and only the mislead (aka evil) ones will ever make you feel bad about those types of things and if they make you feel bad you must stop and think... do you feel bad because you do or because someone tried to make you. if it's the someone then go with you. No one knows you better than you, and the dark or gray or mislead ones will mess with your head to mess you up. It's a little, ok a huge, thing called mental and emotional abuse. Don't let them! One of my favorite sayings from a biblical text says...Behold, for I send you out as a sheep amongst wolves, therefore be as clever as a serpent yet as innocent as a dove.
Great and thanks, but are you down here, God? That's who said that according to biblical text. I know it's meant as good advice and I take it as such but well.... lemme' tell ya' I have decided the one for me to ask for guidance from is inanna, I think most people when they pray to God have no idea who they are even praying too. I believe in the good whole pure source of good light and energy which is where we all came from and that good source I do meditate to, and bath in that light, but lets face it, it's so pure that it does not always help us on this planet because the people of this planet are not all pure and I for one am tired of being screwed over. I have not yet learned how to fully listen to my inner being, guides and angels, (ps not all angels are good, careful of what whispers in your ear you listen to) but a Goddess who has been around since our creation like Inanna, also known as Ices, has been in our place, YEARS ago, but she understand it's not all pure, even God ( and not the pure light essence that I believe is the confusion between God and creation) Did you know that the biggest celebration for ever was to Ices the mother God. It is now Christmas, the church took it over for control and since it was the most celebrated day they chose it, and killed anyone who denied it as a catholic holiday afterwards. They burnt all of her temples and made them into churches. I don't like organised religion, because like most aspects of career and life the ones who are in power are those you are ego driven. Plato said those who are in power are those who ought not want to be. I could never have more than my people did, if I had a people, but I guess I do, my son. I give him whatever i can and always do without so he can have. I would do that with my peeps too, my needs, not that they come last, but not before either, but alas I am not in charge because I wont/cant sell out. I kind of sometimes wish i could, but I cant. I know better and once you know, you can't go back.
I have always kept a journal, but it's now time for us all to share, and I do love to share, too much some times. I have been afraid of telling my truths, afraid of being judged. The opinions of the oppressed have flown around me, using me to be the beautifully tranquil eyes of their storms. They made me afraid to share. Told me I was crazy, told me I was wrong. I never thought anything I did was ever bad. I have never tried to intentionally hurt someone or do something that I thought was wrong. I deem the dark, bad, evil, whatever you want to call it, to be when you set out to hurt someone, or something. Ignorance is bliss when it comes to this. But I'm not ignorant right now, maybe I never was, though I doubt it,..hey I'm a steady working progress. :) I have learned that fear is the only thing the ego works off of, and the ego is the human downfall. I have seen it in the human, non human, and spiritual worlds. You have probably too, just didn't know it, unless you do, then I don't have to tell ya'. I swear I have lived so many lives so far, but now a days haven't so many of us? I refuse to be part of the problem, the negativity, yet I find myself in it after I chose not to be part of it. What happened to our supposed free will anyway? Do we or have we ever really had it? Brand new thought i just had, but... have we ever really had it as told in our approved biblical texts? Think about it. It's our human soul's universal right, and if there were a constitution for the Human existence, would our free will not be under major scrutiny? In the USA heck ya and that's a "free country" never mind other places in the world. You know what i am talking about. And look at history. How many innocents of yesterday and today are and were tortured and killed for no other reason than a different way of thinking. I don't mean to be a Debbie Downer but even in America I have been so fucked over by the govt, taxes, laws, things that left my jaw wide open..and no not because I was about to give the present love of my life the best bj ever but because I just got fucked so hard by them and never even saw it coming, no pun intended on the last part, heehee but let's face it, it's a form of rape! The modern day vampires have set you and me so far back because they have a greater power than the less ego thirsty dwellers on this planet. It's just plain wrong. It's against the majority's free will of choice, it's past an Earth thing. It's our universal rights! Ignorance is bliss! Ahemmm NOT! Wake up party people! Things happen to us against our free will and we do nothing. Now throw in the laws of attraction and then you got you attracting things that you don't want against your free will yet we should stay in our now. But it's not easy to do when your life is secure and good, never mind when it's mad and crazy, when the mind goes wildly out of control and creates shit you never intended to create. Bid sigh- yes, I'm sadly a master at this, I'm trying to break the habit, I'll keep you posted. It's all just so fucked up, yet I get it, but I don't. Those damn missing puzzle pieces! If you read ancient texts I swear I think our DNA has been tampered with. How can we as a whole not know what was our soul birth rights are when we have always know. We know, we do, but for some brain logged reason we are all programed not to talk about it,...what's it you ask? Any of it! We have been fucked with, mental and emotional abuse as a species. So forgive those smucks, girls or guys, that have done it to you, they got caught up with the bullies because they got scared. Now look at the bigger picture. It's the biggest cover up ever, but, I'll get back to that another time.
There are some secrets I must keep hidden for now that are from my personal life, but I promise you I will say all that I can. About me since it is my first blog, I do have so many little kid stories but let's jump ahead to if only "16 and pregnant" was a reality show 16 years ago. Maybe I would be making a living off of doing reality shows (and creating my secret society of the good on the side! )When I was 16 I was living on my own, had my son in my senior year of high school, ( he is now 16) Raised him on my own, blah blah for another time blah. From my spiritual experiences, to other worldly experiences to my human experiences they are all always on going. I live and I learn and try on all levels. I want to share because when I read things that I can relate to it makes me feel better in that moment and sometimes when that moment is so intense that you just want to rip your frickin hair out, well it's in those moments when I read something that I can relate to, it's like a sign, it gives me peace, peace that it's not just me.
I am from NYC, put myself through school for journalism and am a writer and actor in LA now. I'm broke due to this suck ass economy like the many of us, but I don't care. Though I do, I hate being broke, it sucks. But I will do what I love and will make a living from it. Whats my other choice? NOT TO! Doing what I hate, even if I make good money, being with a man who is sucking out all my energy until I'm nearly dead, those seem to be the ones who get you when you are your most vulnerable too, don't they. It's not worth your soul, been there done that, I have let go of the security which we were taught was. A man, a job, etc. Yet since I don't feel settled I am sure to make similar decisions. Damn patterns, ...but like any addiction, recognition is the first step. I will expand on that in a future blog, I have been there done them both more than once.
I have a great family, so you know, I'm just a little..ahmm... different, I always have been. I moved out when i was 16 although to be honest, I guess one would say I was a run away teen. I am who I am, no regrets, only life lessons, aghh, they always take a lil toll though don't they? I love this earth, and people, though they both sometimes make me want to bang my head against the wall, pound my fists hard on the ground, kick and scream and yell so very loud. I try not to though because that's looked down upon, lol, but have in those ever so embarrassing wish you could forget drunken moments. But is it just me or is life on this planet very fucked up? I'm tired of the good ones getting the bad end of the stick, (I'm trying not to curse) because we are good and don't know how to deceive does not mean we should get fucked over. I believe in karma, and yeah so it sucks for those who do bad, but they seem to not care who they lie and cheat to and seem to be living the high life while so many of the good suffer. I know when it is all said and done we will be on top, but I'm ready to be on top now, aren't you? Great, our karma's good but WTF when is it coming back around in our favor? That's all I'm saying. Great, I could lie cheat and steal but I know that this earth is a small part of my entire life as a soul. I'm not going to compromise it, give into the evil just because I am here now and having a hard time. By the way, I think one needs to do what they have to do in life to survive, as long as no one is getting hurt intentionally. is fine. Decisions of survival have nothing to do with what I am saying, and only the mislead (aka evil) ones will ever make you feel bad about those types of things and if they make you feel bad you must stop and think... do you feel bad because you do or because someone tried to make you. if it's the someone then go with you. No one knows you better than you, and the dark or gray or mislead ones will mess with your head to mess you up. It's a little, ok a huge, thing called mental and emotional abuse. Don't let them! One of my favorite sayings from a biblical text says...Behold, for I send you out as a sheep amongst wolves, therefore be as clever as a serpent yet as innocent as a dove.
Great and thanks, but are you down here, God? That's who said that according to biblical text. I know it's meant as good advice and I take it as such but well.... lemme' tell ya' I have decided the one for me to ask for guidance from is inanna, I think most people when they pray to God have no idea who they are even praying too. I believe in the good whole pure source of good light and energy which is where we all came from and that good source I do meditate to, and bath in that light, but lets face it, it's so pure that it does not always help us on this planet because the people of this planet are not all pure and I for one am tired of being screwed over. I have not yet learned how to fully listen to my inner being, guides and angels, (ps not all angels are good, careful of what whispers in your ear you listen to) but a Goddess who has been around since our creation like Inanna, also known as Ices, has been in our place, YEARS ago, but she understand it's not all pure, even God ( and not the pure light essence that I believe is the confusion between God and creation) Did you know that the biggest celebration for ever was to Ices the mother God. It is now Christmas, the church took it over for control and since it was the most celebrated day they chose it, and killed anyone who denied it as a catholic holiday afterwards. They burnt all of her temples and made them into churches. I don't like organised religion, because like most aspects of career and life the ones who are in power are those you are ego driven. Plato said those who are in power are those who ought not want to be. I could never have more than my people did, if I had a people, but I guess I do, my son. I give him whatever i can and always do without so he can have. I would do that with my peeps too, my needs, not that they come last, but not before either, but alas I am not in charge because I wont/cant sell out. I kind of sometimes wish i could, but I cant. I know better and once you know, you can't go back.
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