A recovering Goddess's first attempt to blog outta the smogltherest

To the recovering of  this world,
 I have always kept a journal, but it's now time for us all to share, and I do love to share, too much some times. I have been afraid of telling my truths, afraid of being judged. The opinions of the oppressed  have flown around me, using me to be the beautifully tranquil eyes of their storms.  They made me afraid to share. Told me I was crazy, told me I was wrong. I never thought anything I did was ever bad. I have never tried to intentionally hurt someone or  do something that I thought was wrong. I deem the dark, bad, evil, whatever you want to call it, to be when you set out to hurt someone, or something. Ignorance is bliss when it comes to this.  But I'm not ignorant right now, maybe I never was, though I doubt it,..hey I'm a steady working progress.  :)  I have learned that fear is the only thing the ego works off of, and the ego is the human downfall. I have seen it in the human, non human, and spiritual worlds. You have probably too, just didn't know it, unless you do, then I don't have to tell ya'. I swear I have lived so many lives so far, but now a days haven't so many of us? I refuse to be part of the problem, the negativity, yet I find myself in it after I chose not to be part of it. What happened to our supposed free will anyway? Do we or have we ever really had it?  Brand new thought i just had, but... have we ever really had it as told in our approved biblical texts? Think about it. It's our human soul's universal right, and if there were a constitution for the Human existence, would our free will not be under major scrutiny? In the USA heck ya and that's a "free country" never mind other places in the world.  You know what i am talking about. And look at history. How many innocents of yesterday and today are and were tortured and killed for no other reason than a different way of thinking. I don't mean to be a Debbie Downer but even in America I have been so fucked over by the govt, taxes, laws, things that left my jaw wide open..and no not because I was about to give the present love of my life the best bj ever but because I just got fucked so hard by them and never even saw it coming, no pun intended on the last part, heehee but let's face it, it's a form of rape!  The modern day vampires  have set you and me so far back because they have a greater power than the less ego thirsty dwellers on this planet. It's just plain wrong. It's against the majority's free will of choice, it's past an Earth thing. It's our universal rights! Ignorance is bliss! Ahemmm NOT!  Wake up party people!   Things happen to us against our free will and we do nothing.  Now throw in the laws of attraction and then you got you attracting things that you don't want against your free will yet we should stay in our now. But it's not easy to do when your life is secure and good, never mind when it's mad and crazy, when the mind goes wildly out of control and creates shit you never intended to create. Bid sigh- yes, I'm sadly a master at this, I'm trying to break the habit, I'll keep you posted.  It's all just so fucked up, yet I get it, but I don't. Those damn missing puzzle pieces!  If you read ancient texts I swear I think our DNA has been tampered with. How can we as a whole not know what was our soul birth rights are when we have always know.  We know, we do, but for some brain logged reason we are all programed not to talk about it,...what's it you ask? Any of it! We have been fucked with, mental and emotional abuse as a species. So forgive those smucks, girls or guys, that have done it to you, they got caught up with the bullies because they got scared. Now look at the bigger picture. It's the biggest cover up ever, but, I'll get back to that another time.
 There are some secrets I must keep hidden for now that are from my personal life, but  I promise you I will say all that I can. About me since it is my first blog, I do have so many little kid stories but let's jump ahead to if only "16 and pregnant" was a reality show 16 years ago. Maybe I would be making a living off of doing reality shows (and creating my secret society of the good on the side! )When I was 16 I was  living on my own, had my son in my senior year of high school, ( he is now 16)  Raised him on my own, blah blah for another time blah.  From my spiritual experiences, to other worldly experiences to my human experiences they are all always on going. I live and I learn and try on all levels.  I want to share because when I read things that I can relate to it makes me feel better in that moment and sometimes when that moment is so intense that you just want to rip your frickin hair out, well it's in those moments when I read something that I can relate to, it's like a sign, it gives me peace, peace that it's not just me.
 I am from NYC, put myself through school for journalism and am a writer and actor in LA now. I'm broke due to this suck ass economy like the many of us, but I don't care. Though I do, I hate being broke, it sucks.  But I will do what I love and will make a living from it. Whats my other choice? NOT TO!  Doing what I hate, even if I make good money,  being with a man who is sucking out all my energy until I'm nearly dead, those seem to be the ones who get you when you are your most vulnerable too, don't they.  It's not worth your soul, been there done that, I have let go of the security which we were taught was. A man, a job, etc. Yet since I don't feel settled I am sure to make similar decisions. Damn patterns, ...but like any addiction, recognition is the first step. I will expand on that in a future blog, I have been there done them both more than once.
 I have  a great family,  so you know, I'm just a little..ahmm... different, I always have been. I moved out when i was 16 although to be honest, I guess one would say I was a run away teen.  I am who I am, no regrets, only life lessons, aghh, they always take a lil toll though don't they? I love this earth, and people, though they both sometimes make me want to bang my head against the wall, pound my fists hard on the ground, kick and scream and yell so very loud. I try not to though because that's looked down upon, lol, but have in those ever so embarrassing wish you could forget drunken moments.  But is it just me or is life on this planet very fucked up?  I'm tired of  the good ones getting the bad end of the stick, (I'm trying not to curse)  because we are good and don't know how to deceive does not mean we should get fucked over. I believe in karma, and yeah so it sucks for those who do bad, but they seem to not care who they lie and cheat to and seem to be living the high life while so many of the good suffer. I know when it is all said and done we will be on top, but I'm ready to be on top now, aren't you? Great, our karma's good but WTF when is it coming back around in our favor? That's all I'm saying.  Great, I could lie cheat and steal but I know that this earth is a small part of my entire life as a soul. I'm not going to compromise it, give into the evil just because I am here now and having a hard time. By the way, I think one needs to do what they have to do in life to survive, as long as no one is getting hurt intentionally. is fine. Decisions of survival have nothing to do with what I am saying, and only the mislead (aka evil) ones will ever make you feel bad about those types of things and if they make you feel bad you must stop and think... do you feel bad because you do or because someone tried to make you. if it's the someone then go with you. No one knows you better than you, and the dark or gray or mislead ones will mess with your head to mess you up. It's a little, ok a huge, thing called mental and emotional abuse. Don't let them!  One of my favorite sayings from a biblical text says...Behold, for I send you out as a sheep amongst wolves, therefore be as clever as a serpent yet as innocent as a dove.
Great and thanks, but are you down here, God? That's who said that according to biblical text. I know it's meant as good advice and I take it as such but well.... lemme' tell ya' I have decided the one for me to ask for guidance from is inanna, I think most people when they pray to God have no idea who they are even praying too. I believe in the good whole pure source of good light and energy which is where we all came from and that good source I do meditate to, and bath in that light, but lets face it, it's so pure that it does not always help us on this planet because the people of this planet are not all pure and I for one am tired of being screwed over. I have not yet learned how to fully listen to my inner being, guides and angels, (ps not all angels are good, careful of what whispers in your ear you listen to) but a Goddess who has been around since our creation like Inanna, also known as Ices, has been in our place, YEARS ago, but she understand it's not all pure, even God ( and not the pure light essence that I believe is the confusion between God and creation) Did you know that the biggest celebration for ever was to Ices the mother God. It is now Christmas, the church took it over for control and since it was the most celebrated day they chose it, and killed anyone who denied it as a catholic holiday afterwards. They burnt all of her temples and made them into churches. I don't like organised religion, because like most aspects of career and life the ones who are in power are those you are ego driven. Plato said those who are in power are those who ought not want to be. I could never have more than my people did, if I had a people, but I guess I do, my son. I give him whatever i can and always do without so he can have. I would do that with my peeps too, my needs, not that they come last, but not before either, but alas I am not in charge because I wont/cant sell out. I kind of sometimes wish i could, but I cant. I know better and once you know, you can't go back.