My 90 Day Challenge - The 11th Commandment Of Ignorance

Have you ever noticed that when you realize something on a higher level of understanding you can't go back into ignorance? Wouldn't it feel like a sinful betrayal of self? Ignorance seems to be an essential, forward moving part of our evolution. I am on the verge of a new level of understanding my emotional fears. My ignorance is lessening. For many of us our resistance to our desired attractions is due to a fear. I gave that bad habit up a few years ago. Childhood visions of the "boogie monster" or dark skied abusive relationships have spattered grey paint onto my past, but what led to a huge detachment from fear for me was something unexpected.

 A few years ago a very close friend (I believe not knowingly) brought an actual evil negative something into my old apartment. My ceilings turned foggy red! I felt it go over my leg & listened to it's piercing screeches. It was like nothing I had ever experienced. Although it only lasted for a few minutes, my fear of this formless energy returning continued to scare the sh*t out of me for days. Nights were the worst. Thats when I knew I had to give all fear up!

I have seen many a ghost before and have had many a paranormal experience. My one pug wakes me up or gets my attention barking at curious veil peering entities on a consistent basis. I swear she's part alien- part dog. The realms had never really scared me. My fears had all been earth bound ones. After meditation and much asking of the divines above for guidance my ears began to ring, as they sometimes do. I received a different understanding of fear. It was simple, stop thinking about it. I always call ringings DNA downloads because I always seem to get a ton of info within seconds of time, yet it takes me much longer to grasp my Human condition around the full understanding of what I received. I have not put much thought into fear since then. It was hard to do now but now seems easy.

Over the past week it has come to my attention that my resistance to my desires has been in another form of fear based ignorance. I do not have control of my emotions. Even American Idol makes me feel so good, and I laugh, but then so sad, so then I cry. Holly iron fisted emotional dictator! Not American Idol,I love that show, but my emotions. I never knew that I was the one suppressing myself. The heightened state of fear I had that night was so beyond what I could handle so I forced myself to not think or feel fear. But my emotions have been a huge part of my Limbo's fuel. I don't know how many of you are super attached to emotions first and then thought, but my Pisces self is a walking talking high and low sea of emotional waves. I take it all in way deep! As the Laws Of Attraction says, If our emotions are the fuel that propels our attractions, then I best be getting mine under control asap. The good news is that realizing something brings on that higher level of understanding. You can't go back, only forward. I think the 11th Commandment would say, "Though shall embrace each new enlightenment as the greatest of gifts." Because lets face it, seems like a sin to ignore and deny a gift of pure universal truth and further release of ignorant misunderstanding.

Is Must Be 60 Days By Now, and what have I accomplished?

 I don't know for sure what I have actually yet accomplished after 30 days into this crazy journey. However, you will be happy to know that Limbo has been detained. Further evaluation will be held off until I can further evaluate if Limbo is even worth evaluating further. I suspect any attention given to Limbo will not be worthwhile. I have an inkling that Limbo is in cahoots with Resistance. I dead stopped a few mid-crisis-cries that very well may have led to attracting my fears. You know how the bamboozle goes! It sneaks up on you from out of the darkness and then very rudely and without asking rapes your soul bare. It was challenging to raise my level from fear to love during those times. It was like I didn't have full access to love because I was not on its frequency. I had to take baby steps. When I felt bad or sad I tried to feel love for anything and everything instead. These good intentions should start working to my advantage any time now.

The good news is that I think I may be in my "receiving stage" now.  I must be!  I have been putting out all these good thoughts, and have worked so hard at it! I feel that I have some good vibrations in love, life and money coming back to me soon. It's hard for me to sit and wait, though the wiser me knows this is my time to regenerate. I should be grateful for these times and use them wisely. Just because I know this unfortunately does not mean I can do it yet. Maybe Anxious is also is cahoots with Limbo and Resistance. Frogs pretending to be Princes are smart and seem to invade my space in many forms.

 I am getting money back from my taxes! It's not winning the lotto... which I will do, (the little green worm will come out of the apple, ninja style!) If you don't get that, read previous blogs. This money will give me a bit of financial breathing room. Ready- big sigh! Yeah, feels good! I'll take it! Then I plan to use that good feeling to attract more abundance.

I will use some of that money to convert my Hollywuffs book into an ebook. I have not heard back from the book agent, but I will email her tomorrow. If I don't hear back by the end of the week then I'll cyber-space my Hollywuffs into the universe. I think I will file bankrupt too. Funny thing, it costs a couple grand to file, which I have not had. HAHA! See that was the funny part! People's opinion and their Blah, Blah, Blah, don't do it advice on this matter I take into consideration. But if I listen to me and file, it makes me feel good. I want that fresh start. Those piled up credit cards threatening to sue are all bad memory remnants of years ago, when the economy fell, when I lost hundreds of thousands of dollars. The big companies didn't pay my bills or help keep me on my feet when they lost my money. The banks have stolen more from me than what I owe, but,  morals and karma are not company policy. To finally set free heavy burdens from the past that still haunt me today will be a gift well received.

My love life- That tricky little section of ever weaving webs I will keep you posted on. I watched a cheesy reality program last night that actually made me feel really good. It was toddlers doing beauty pageants, but my good feelings came from observing. I have always wanted more kids, and these seemingly functioning families made my heart smile. My family is well functioned for this non-functioning world, but the white picket fence of it all fueled my ever lasting faith in finding that crazy mate meant for me, my partner in crime!
XOXO

My 90 day yeah let's just talk

My Saturday went as such; Limbo I swear I can get out of. I went to the racetrack with my b.f.f., from NYC, we were real close, a pair of Pisces swimming in the same direction can be indestructible, but instead we self destructed! I have not heard back from the lit. agent and I got a summons that can't be legal, as my 17 year old son signed for it, letter that Chase is now suing me for money owed. I want to just file bankrupt, but who has the 2 grand that it will cost? If I had an extra 2G then I would pay my credit cards, that are left over from the economy collapse anyway. I can only think about $$$ coming in and not about any of this.

I had  a third date tonight. Last minute meeting of another girlfriend, who always falls in love on my behalf, my date did everything right, by the book, except for, when he dropped me off it was like he could not get away faster! He did not wait to make sure I got in okay. He did not wait until I got to the door, he zoomed off right away, as soon as I stepped out. I can take that many ways. but all I can really do is say, I will not think another thought about that, though a yellow flag for him or me maybe waving! I shall not think on it any further, but is worth noting, yes? This dating thing, IDK, should the guy not wait to make sure I am in safe n sound, does he not do that with his kids, is it not something that is natural? Am I thinking this way too deep?

I have 4 dogs here tonight and a teen that I must attend to. I want to just see and be what forever maybe. xoxo

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I took my love and I took it down I climbed a mountain and I turned around And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills 'Til the landslide brought me down Oh, mirror in the sky What is love? Can the child within my heart rise above? Can I sail thru the changing ocean tides? Can I handle the seasons of my life? Mmm Mmm... I don't know... Mmm Mmm... Mmm Mmm... Well, I've been afraid of changing 'Cause I've built my life around you But time makes you bolder Children get older I'm getting older too So... (Guitar solo) I've been afraid of changing 'Cause I, I´ve built my life around you But time makes you bolder Children get older I'm getting older too... I'm getting older too... So, take this love, take it down Oh if you climb a mountain and you turn around If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills Well the landslide will bring you down, down And If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills Well maybe... The landslide will bring you down Well well... the landslide will bring you down

90 Day Law Of Attraction Challenge

It's hard not to feel frustrated sometimes, but life is sometimes that way. After emailing more book chapters, I have not yet heard back from the book manager interested in Hollywuffs. Since Friday I have been trying to focus on keeping only happy thoughts and visions. Thing is, my thoughts naturally creep back into limbo mode. It's another full time job keeping those little hooligans in line. They are making me feel all limoish these past few days. I need more me time, more time to visualize exactly what I want to create in my life. I understand that time is not a universal reality, but here on this planet patience is a virtue I am still working on. Santa Anna winds please blow me again tomorrow with more good news for my Hollywuffs!  Ha!

 In other news, I had an audition for The Next Female Action Star on Sat. I told them I was "Super mom by day, secret Ninja by night!  For a different reality show that I am ironically taping today, Valentines Day, I must answer the question, Do I believe in love? My first reaction is yes, I do. I love my amazing son. I love my parents who always have my back. I love my protective big brother and my sister in law. My best friend is my younger sister.  My adoring dogs always give me an over abundance of love.  But they are talking about man love. I don’t think I have ever really had man love, really.  Sure there are bits and pieces of different men that have been colored into my life, and yes, mostly the grayer shades. But regardless of their color, they all fade. Some fade after three months, others just short of a year. Maybe I should invest in paint thinner. Perhaps the blame truly does lye with all of those man frogs out there, but I can’t ignore that I'm the one attracting them. The hardest part is that my soul knows how quickly I would flourish with the right man and I crave for him to come out of hiding.  But now, 34 years later..., answering the question,  “Do I believe in love,” is surprisingly taunting me. Yes, of coarse I believe in love. I love love! I am a hopeless romantic. So where is he?  I have a suspicion that my limbo-state of being might be the culprit. What if my continual state of being in survivor mode for so long has taken precedence over my love life? I will always believe in love, and I always wish upon that star. But if my life were a play, could true love ever be my leading man when Survival always plays the main character?  Is the fairy tale ending I so desire fated or created?

 Happy Valentines Day, heehee, xoxoxox M

90 Day Law Of Attraction Challenge

 I am now caught up on this post, which I am now going to use from now on.   I picture winning the lotto A LOT! I  have a code with my family, when I say, "The green worm has come out of the apple," on the phone, they know to hop on a plane to Los Angeles. I think it's a good plan, but have not yet won.  It is said that everything is an illusion. I have been trying to see the numbers I want in lotto and scratch off's.  I think I should celebrate more when my numbers don't come up, pretending like they did. Though,  I have been very busy lately, spending countless hours editing my book for self ebook publishing. A decision made to keep my spirits high after many a book agent no. I have been waiting for a picture change from my amazing illustrator, throughout many times I have been tempted to upload my without, after all, I spent over 100 hours in a week making it ready, but instead,  I had patience, I listened to something telling me to wait,  and so did tons of research on the ebook world while waiting instead.  As the recent Santa Ana winds have taken over the LA news, I get an email today from an interested agent in my book! Did I mention the Santa Ana winds are a major character in my book, they teach Holly Hollywuff to trust her instincts. I refuse to worry about finances, though my bank account begs to differ, but it's all an illusion anyway right?  My habits of thinking about lack will only drag me down. If I put on my sunglasses, then bills don't glare at me so much. Keep your eyes on the prize Maija, keep your eye eye on the prize!!!! Until I write again!

90 day challenge 2/something?

Today I had an epiphany that certainly could not hurt! Yesterday, while I lazily rested in limbo, watching, reading, thinking and researching about all that I was thinking, today, I achieved an understanding that you cant spread your thoughts into too many different directions. I have made a HUGE discovery! Thoughts are worth far more than gold or diamonds or dollars are!

My most inner self knows that like attracts like, but I also feel scammed because I have been pure in my trusting of others. It's like we, the pure, have been lied to for eons upon eons by the watchers/ fallen ones. I'm not saying they are bad, but they are control freaks. I have been thinking about this a lot lately, apparently a bit too much. What started out as a tiny house built from agent after agent telling me they could only get me auditions if only I used "their" headshot photographer, mind you, 900 head shots later, equaling thousands of dollars and zero auditions later, except for the ones I got myself later, I was almost being scammed by a book agent a few weeks ago, and today, well why even go into detail over. What a waste of relative time, but no more!

I learned today that if you think about too many random things then you are spreading your intended energy too thin. What we want needs to be our focus. Every other thought needs to be its friend. I have wasted so many thoughts on things that I don't want or that don't matter to me. So many things scam us away from out intend intentions.

Oh, so my epiphany, I'm going to win the lotto. I can send my son to college, I can self publish, make my own documentaries/movies, I can contribute to the world. It's a win-win really! I have been feeling the lotto thing for a few months now but have been spreading my energy out with other intentions too. I watched a show on lottery winners last night and in the past I would have loved that they won and felt happy for them, but then would feel sad that I had not yet won, therefore canceling each other out. Now, this blonde has got it! Last night I was so happy when I watched the show. I saw the winners as me. I felt it, pictured it, and keep imagining it. It makes me feel happy and if that connection is so strong, then it must be a strong magnet. I'm going to win the lotto!

My other epiphany, 2012, should I even bother if it's all changing soon anyway! I believe the world is going to change. But is that my limbo thinking? I swear I think she has an on again off again love affair with my ego. But, Quantum Theory, Einstein, don't get me started, all say that we live in many dimensions, so if there are floods, fires, etc, to come, I kind of think it will happen on a vibration that is not part of my existence, even though I am in existence, just on a different frequency. Everything, even our physical form is mostly space. The adam is mostly space, so as I sit and have a nice dinner on my frequency, on another that I am not connected to,  a major catastrophe is also going on. So with that in mind, yes I need to create what I want because no matter what dimension I am on or end up in, I am still in existence continually.

Today: Did not almost get scammed. Went on an audition today that is for tomorrow, hey, cool, it still means that I have an audition tomorrow! I wrote this! Thought about wining the lotto A LOT! Picked lotto numbers (my son picked a few) and played them, figured out it's not the first yet, I can do bills tomorrow, and am about to research an online e-book thing a knowledgeable friend suggested I check out.

Keep Ya posted!
M

90 Day Law Of Attraction Challenge

I posted this on another thing but like this blog                1/29/11Day One;
It is my intention to achieve the following goals over the next 90 days; I want the book I wrote at a much higher level of success. I want an abundance of money. I want the right man, no more kissing frogs, only prince's please. And, I want speaking union acting roles. No more 125$/8 jobs.

I believe I can have the life, job and relationships that I want, I just never knew how. I think I have been accidently keeping myself in limbo for all of these years becuase as often as I happily day dreamed about myself in these situations, I also often cried, praying and pleading to the universe for them to finally come into fruition, therefore canceling one another out. That's what I call a big old OOPS! Emotion is what really ignites the engine of attraction, and I am a super sensitive, emotional being. This should work to my advantage if I apply, with complete faith, that which I have learned and am still learning. That which I already know, but have forgotten.

Though I read it years ago, (I read a lot) I bought the audio version of The Laws Of Attraction by Jerry & Ester Hicks. I have been listening to it in my car. Before that I was listening to The Power by Rhonda Bryne, which mom sent to me. I am going to follow the advice and get into the habit of deliberate attraction. Go Maija Go!

My Today;
The underlining theme from my c.d. listening today was not to think about anything that I don't want, but it's almost the first of the month and my bills, quite sneakily, keep creeping into my mind. I should have done them already, but thinking about it feels stressful, which is a negative emotion. But how do I pay my bills and not feel stressed? My maxed out credit cards rarely make the final cut into the paid file. Drat! I will take Bryne's advice on this one and be thankful to the electric company as I pay them, without electric I would not be writing this right now. And AT&T, thank you for..., my dropped calls? J/k. My cell does keep me connected to the world from anyplace. I do love that.
And instead of being stressed out about money I will think about how happy I am going to be when I win the lotto or book that big paying job. Though even that is thinking about what I don't yet have, isn't it? Am I attracting more of not having that which represents abundance when I think about it coming in the future instead of having it now? From what I have learned I need to be thinking and feeling like I have it already, therefore attracting that which I feel, that which I desire, abundance. This is tricker than it seem, or is it so simple that I'm complicating it? I am super good at make believe, maybe I should make some stuff up and believe it, act like it, so I attract it.

I have decided to stay home on this Saturday night and save my hangover for different Sunday morning. I'm going to do more research on book publishers and get some snuggle love from my doggies. I will meditate tomorrow and ask my angels for some extra special guidance over the next 90 days. My bills, well, it's the weekend anyway, but by Monday for sure. Oh, and I almost forgot, I'll write my affirmations down. Here I go, forming those good habits of deliberate creation.

Until tomorrow.
M