It's hard not to feel frustrated sometimes, but life is sometimes that way. After emailing more book chapters, I have not yet heard back from the book manager interested in Hollywuffs. Since Friday I have been trying to focus on keeping only happy thoughts and visions. Thing is, my thoughts naturally creep back into limbo mode. It's another full time job keeping those little hooligans in line. They are making me feel all limoish these past few days. I need more me time, more time to visualize exactly what I want to create in my life. I understand that time is not a universal reality, but here on this planet patience is a virtue I am still working on. Santa Anna winds please blow me again tomorrow with more good news for my Hollywuffs! Ha!
In other news, I had an audition for The Next Female Action Star on Sat. I told them I was "Super mom by day, secret Ninja by night! For a different reality show that I am ironically taping today, Valentines Day, I must answer the question, Do I believe in love? My first reaction is yes, I do. I love my amazing son. I love my parents who always have my back. I love my protective big brother and my sister in law. My best friend is my younger sister. My adoring dogs always give me an over abundance of love. But they are talking about man love. I don’t think I have ever really had man love, really. Sure there are bits and pieces of different men that have been colored into my life, and yes, mostly the grayer shades. But regardless of their color, they all fade. Some fade after three months, others just short of a year. Maybe I should invest in paint thinner. Perhaps the blame truly does lye with all of those man frogs out there, but I can’t ignore that I'm the one attracting them. The hardest part is that my soul knows how quickly I would flourish with the right man and I crave for him to come out of hiding. But now, 34 years later..., answering the question, “Do I believe in love,” is surprisingly taunting me. Yes, of coarse I believe in love. I love love! I am a hopeless romantic. So where is he? I have a suspicion that my limbo-state of being might be the culprit. What if my continual state of being in survivor mode for so long has taken precedence over my love life? I will always believe in love, and I always wish upon that star. But if my life were a play, could true love ever be my leading man when Survival always plays the main character? Is the fairy tale ending I so desire fated or created?
Happy Valentines Day, heehee, xoxoxox M
No comments:
Post a Comment